


Everyone leaves me, but will you come back later?

by Mistii_Writes



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Angst, Bottled up emotions, Canon Divergence, Crying, Despair Disease (Dangan Ronpa), Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff, Fuyuhiko is sad, Gundham's a mess, Hiyoko's a bitch, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, It's ok though they have eachother, Kazuichi Hajime and Fuyuhiko are best friends, Kazuichi and Gundham bond over bad experiences, Kazuichi gets some jesus, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, Someone give Fuyuhiko a hug, Sonia is an absolute angel, Sonia ships Soudam, The Devas are Gundham's wingmen, Trauma, breakdowns, soudam - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-15 03:53:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 27,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29429841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mistii_Writes/pseuds/Mistii_Writes
Summary: When Gundham is among the ones hit with the despair disease, Kazuichi somehow finds himself trying to help his rival. He wasn't sure why at first- why would he care if the guy was sick? But, throughout Gundham's unsteady healing process, Kazuichi realized that the breeder's words might hold some deep-rooted truth in them, forced out by illness. And in the aftermath of the disease, they both come to the realization that neither are as bad as the other once thought.Or, the fic where Gundham gets sick and basically becomes the complete opposite of himself, and Kazuichi witnesses it all.-----BASICALLY A REWRITE OF SDR2 FROM THE PRESENTION OF THE CHAPTER 3 MOTIVE ONWARDS. So there will be spoilers included for the canon game.Updates at least once per week
Relationships: Hinata Hajime & Kuzuryu Fuyuhiko, Hinata Hajime & Soda Kazuichi, Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito (hinted), Kuzuryu Fuyuhiko & Soda Kazuichi, Kuzuryu Fuyuhiko/Pekoyama Peko (referenced), Soda Kazuichi/Tanaka Gundham, Sonia Nevermind & Tanaka Gundham, Sonia Nevermind/Soda Kazuichi (one-sided)
Comments: 72
Kudos: 225





	1. Diseases and uncertainty

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, my first fic. I literally made an account just because I ran out of Soudam content and thought 'guess I'll make it myself'.  
> I hope y'all enjoy this, I'm making it up as I go along :sparkle:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Despair Disease has hit. Thankfully, the only infected three are Akane, Nagito and Ibuki, so they're the only people Kazuichi thinks the group has to worry about... hold on, where's Gundham?

Kazuichi stared in disbelief at the three delusional souls that were quickly the main subject of focus in the cafeteria that morning. It was incredibly upsetting to see the brave Akane in a mess of bawling tears; it was unsettling to note how Ibuki seemed to stare right through them as she obediently took in whatever what said around her; somehow, it was even unnerving to hear Nagito spouting even more nonsense than usual. All three were out of their element- the effects of the ‘despair disease’, as Monokuma had so helpfully informed them minutes earlier. Kazuichi shuffled uncomfortably from foot to foot, watching Hajime and Sonia help Mikan to get the infected three to the hospital on the island. The sound of Hiyoko whinging about the whole situation was somehow even more unbearable to him than Akane’s sobbing. 

“A-and these are the o-only three with symptoms right?” Mikan spoke up in a stutter, fiddling nervously with her fingers as she looked around at everyone, “Everyone else is... um... fine, right?"  
“ _Obviously_ , you trashy pig-shit!” Hiyoko snapped, “It’d be obvious if we were sick. God, just hurry up and get them away from us.”

Poor Mikan started whimpering out an apology, but that was suddenly overruled by Sonia’s apprehensive voice. Kazuichi’s attention was immediately perked.  
“Apologies for interrupting, but I believe we are missing one member. Has anyone seen Gundham this morning?” 

Kazuichi fought down a twinge of annoyance at the mention of the breeder as everyone blinked at eachother. Hajime tilted his head, “If you haven’t seen him, Sonia, then none of us have. Maybe he’s still at his cottage?”

Sonia’s pretty eyes rounded with concern, “Ah... One of us should go and check on him, in that case. I would go myself but I wish to assist Mikan...” she looked to Kazuichi, who felt his heart flutter slightly, “Kazuichi, do you mind doing so?”

Kazuichi internally sighed- why did he have to go and check on him? Hajime looked at him as if reading his thoughts, “You’re the only one who hasn’t been helpful this morning. Besides Hiyoko- but, if Gundham is sick as well, I don’t think she’d be very helpful to him.” Hiyoko rolled her eyes, still eyeing the three infected Ultimates with distrust. 

“And I will be ‘helpful’?” Kazuichi blinked.

“Please, Kazuichi,” Sonia spoke up again, and Kazuichi found himself reconsidering. How could he say no to somebody so polite and pretty? How could he say no to a princess?

“... Alright, Miss Sonia,” he murmured.

Sonia lit up, “Thank you very much! Make sure he’s ok, please!”

Kazuichi forced a grin and saluted, before leaving to go and see what Mr-I’m-Too-Good-To-Join-You-For-Breakfast was up to. He mentally berated the aloof breeder, which is something he does every day, as he moved to the cottages. Stupid Gundham. What did Sonia even see in him? Kazuichi always saw Gundham Tanaka as overly-cryptic, overconfident and somehow both annoyingly mysterious and annoyingly obnoxious at the same time. He didn’t even know what the guy was saying most of the time. His hamsters were cute though, he’ll give him that. Even if they bite him every time he gets close to them- which wasn’t very often given the fact that he and Gundham either argue or downright avoid each other all the time. Come to think of it, Kazuichi couldn’t recall a single time he had an actual conversation with Gundham. How would a normal conversation between them both even go? Kazuichi was the tiniest bit curious. No he wasn’t. He shook his head to clear his thoughts with a quiet groan as he came up to Gundham’s door.  
“Yo, Hamster-Chan, you alive?” Kazuichi grumbled, knocking on the door. No answer. Kazuichi knocked again impatiently, “Tanaka. Open up.” Again, no answer. He was about to turn and leave to go and search for him elsewhere, when he heard hamsters squeaking loudly within the room, along with the much quieter sound of somebody shushing them. If there’s one thing that Kazuichi knew for sure about Gundham, it was that he never let anyone inside his cottage other than himself- so that must be him inside there. “Tanaka? Tanaka, open the door, we need to know if you’re sick or some shit,” Kazuichi tried again, sounding even more irritated as he knocked on the door.

“.. Go away,” Gundham’s voice eventually drifted from the other side.

Kazuichi was about to snap something back, but then he stopped, noting the tone of Gundham’s voice. He sounded subdued, reluctant to talk. The most concerning feature of all, though, was his distinctive lack of unnecessary words. A simple ‘go away’? No ‘leave my domain at once, unless you would like to face my wrath’ or some bullshit like that? Kazuichi blinked, but then shook his head, telling himself that Gundham was just being stubborn as he snapped, “Open up. _Now_ .”

Silence. But then-

“... W-what are you doing?” Gundham sounded like he wasn’t talking to Kazuichi, which confused him until the sound of squeaking grew louder as he assumed one of the hamsters approached the door. A few moments of scrabbling against the handle passed, until the door cracked open. Kazuichi hesitantly poked it so that it opened more and he could look inside, and noted how one of the hamsters was on the ground in front of the door, squeaking. Damn, did it really open the door? That’s pretty impressive. 

However, based on how Gundham was looking, this was probably the only time the hamsters’ skills had ever backfired on their master.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading so far. Hope you’ll enjoy what’s to come! Kudos and comments are appreciated :)


	2. Ok kids, who broke the breeder?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kazuichi finds Gundham in his cottage.  
> And Gundham is... well, you'll see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I already wrote the second chapter,, so I may as well post it

Gundham was, to put it lightly, a mess. Well, a mess compared to how he usually looked, at least. First of all, he hadn’t put his coat on yet, which left him in his usual open button-up shirt layered over his t-shirt. His hair was down and messy- probably an after effect of recently waking up (Kazuichi had to remind himself that of course the breeder didn’t wake up in his entire ‘overlord’ get up, and that included the weird hair). Most interesting of all though, to Kazuichi, was that both of his eyes were grey. Aha, he knew that was a contact lens. He unconsciously winced as he noted how one of Gundham’s hands – the one that was usually bandaged up – was now openly scarred and ravaged as a consequence of various acts of animal violence. The said hand was now fiddling with his ever-present scarf... _nervously?_

“W... what do you want?” Gundham stammered in an out-of-character way, grey eyes notably wide as he seemed to be frozen in place by Kazuichi’s presence, “Do you need something from me? What is it?”

... This was weird. Really weird. Where was the Gundham who would usually start spouting nonsense deliberately to annoy Kazuichi? He blinked, suddenly feeling the urge to sound nicer, “Umm... Just... Checking to see if you’re ok, man.”

Seeming to tighten his grip on his scarf, Gundham blinked owlishly from where he was sat on his bed. One of the hamsters hopped onto his shoulder, which Kazuichi was both amazed and concerned to see made Gundham jump, eyes darting around. The breeder relaxed slightly as the hamster nestled comfortably in his scarf, poking its head out and squeaking in what Kazuichi would infer to be anxiety.

“I’m fine. Get out,” Gundham mumbled, still using an uncharacteristically normal way of speaking that did nothing but make Kazuichi less convinced.

“Dude, you look like shit. You’re not fine,” Kazuichi wasn’t sure why he was making this his problem, but it just felt like the right thing to do. He stepped cautiously into Gundham’s cottage.

In response, Gundham’s eyes narrowed- which, honestly, brought Kazuichi relief as well as nervousness, since that was probably the only normal reaction he’s gotten out of him in the past 5 minutes. He took another step, and this time, he noticed he got a scowl in response.

“Hmph. For one with such a low astral level to tread into my realm, you must be either incredibly brave or incredibly foolish,” Gundham suddenly drawled, lowering his hand from his scarf.

Kazuichi gave him a look of both confusion and annoyance. What was up with this guy? Was he ok or not? He felt his former exasperation returning to him almost instantly- was he just wasting his time now? 

“Are you fucking with me?” Kazuichi snapped.

Instantly, Gundham flinched at his anger and drew back into his pillow, and once again his personality just up and left him, “N-no, not at all! Heh-” He sunk a little into his scarf, with a shiver that didn’t go unnoticed by Kazuichi. 

The mechanic looked at him in shock as he stared back nervously. ... There’s no way Gundham Tanaka was _scared_ of him. That’s beyond stupid. 

...

No, Gundham definitely looked scared. Kazuichi didn’t even know he was capable of looking like that. Hesitantly, he stepped closer to Gundham, and, just as he suspected, the usually proud breeder cowered away, ducking further into his scarf with a small noise of discomfort. Ok, now he was sure that Gundham wasn’t messing with him- he felt a small prick of guilt for snapping at him, but he pushed it away. 

“Woah- Woah, hey. Calm down. What’s wrong?” Kazuichi tilted his head, concern starting to lightly lace his voice.

“A-ah... I...” Gundham shook his head, messy grey-streaked hair flopping over the top of his scarf, “It’s fine. I-I’m sorry, I did not mean to anger you,” his usually commanding voice was now trembling and small sounding behind the cloth.

Bewildered and uncomfortable, Kazuichi forced out a small laugh to try and lighten the mood, “Ah... Ahaha- Um, hello? Earth to Tanaka? When do _you_ ever apologise about anythin’?”

“... Was that the wrong thing to do?” Gundham mumbled in response, peeking out slightly through his hair over the top of his scarf as his voice shook even more, “I’m sorry. Don’t... don’t get mad again, please.”

Bloody hell. This was beyond weird. He was starting to sound a little bit like Mikan. 

_Wait._

“... Holy shit, Mikan!” Kazuichi yelped, and Gundham flinched away again in perplexed fear at the noise, clutching tightly onto his scarf as if his life depended on it, “That’s it, you must have the disease!”

“D...Disease?” the breeder stammered, “W-what do you mean? I’m ill?”

“Yeah! That’s why you’re actin’ so weird!” Kazuichi cautiously stepped further away from Gundham, not wanting to catch anything, “Do you feel sick or anything? Feverish?”

He blinked at the mechanic, “...Why would I tell you? You would use it against me, would you not?”

Kazuichi’s brow furrowed in confusion, “What- No, why would I do that?”

“Because you hate me,” Gundham muttered, seeming to close in on himself even more as another visible shiver passed through his body, “And this is a killing game. W-why wouldn’t you take advantage of my weakened state? Why wouldn’t anybody try to kill someone who’s sick if it guarantees t-their survival?” he rambled, “Why else do you think I haven’t left my room?”

Kazuichi stared in shock, and then gave himself a shake. He had to get used to this paranoid version of Gundham- he told himself that what he was saying now meant nothing, “Nobody’s going to try and kill you, dude. The others are worried about you, really.”

“I can’t trust that!” Gundham suddenly hissed, his slightly glazed eyes squeezing shut as one of his hands rose to grip at his unruly hair in a panicky fashion, “The risk of betrayal is everywhere, fool! I cannot trust any of you!”

“... Stop that, you’ll rip your hair out,” Kazuichi forced himself to sound calm, even though being faced with this situation alone was enough to get his own anxiety going.

One of the hamsters poked out of the scarf and gently nudged Gundham’s hand with its nose, and its master reluctantly let go, breathing erratically. Gundham slumped, gaze still wide with fear as he looked at Kazuichi, but he was silent now, except for his unsteady breathing. Kazuichi didn’t dare to get close to him, afraid of setting off a panic attack or something within the mentally fragile breeder. God. And he thought normal Gundham was difficult to deal with. Somehow, he found himself wanting the old Gundham back over this broken version of him- it was... honestly pretty heart-wrenching to see him so vulnerable and terrified, even to Kazuichi. 

Kazuichi, who _hated_ him.

‘The risk of betrayal is everywhere’. He knew that Gundham – the real Gundham – believed those words wholeheartedly, but he didn’t believe for a second that the seemingly fearless breeder was actually scared of being killed. What was artificially created from the disease and what was coming from his heart were two different things- and Kazuichi felt like he would need to distinguish between the two types if he was going to help him. 

Hold on.

Help?

Why was _he_ helping him? This was Mikan’s job. Or even Sonia’s job. 

... 

Well it wasn’t going to be anyone’s job but his if he can’t get him out of this cottage. Hesitantly, Kazuichi stepped back until he was in the threshold, “Um... Ok, hold on, I’m going to get help.”

Gundham’s eyes widened with alarm at the implications of other people coming here, but Kazuichi forced himself to ignore him as he rapidly slid out of the cottage, listening to the worried squeaking of hamsters grow distant as he made his way back to find the others.


	3. It's 'messing with my head', as you mortals would say

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Never fear, Sonia is here!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gundham third-person POV chapter? Is that worded correctly-  
> Eh, oh well. You get what I mean.

Calm down. Calm down. Gundham told himself over and over, and yet his body was still shaking after Kazuichi had left. Why did he feel like this? He was the great Gundham Tanaka, feared by all mankind, humanity’s greatest monster- and yet, here he was. Barely presentable, cowering in his blankets, and likely on the verge of tears just from the thought of having the others come and see him like this. Heck, from the thought of the others seeing him at all. Kazuichi was more than enough. Gundham gritted his teeth, feeling a spring of irritation at the fact that he just could not stop shaking. Internally, he was angry at himself for being so externally weak and pathetic. What did Kazuichi say this was again? A disease? Hah.

How pathetic.

Gundham groaned quietly, burrowing deeper into his scarf as he found himself wanting to hide away from the world. How many more things is he going to say to make him look like an idiot? How many of those things are going to be things that he doesn’t want anyone else to know? Ugh. His head hurt. His Devas nuzzled comfortingly against his cheeks, and he offered them a weak smile in response. He shivered again. He didn’t even feel cold- in fact, he felt like he was burning up. Grumbling slightly, he retreated from his scarf, rubbing his forehead and letting a few strands of loose hair lazily drift into his face. He really was a mess this morning... And Kazuichi- his biggest enemy on this god-forsaken island - had seen him like this. 

... Well that’s not going to be very good for him, is it?

He forced himself to sit up, still shakily rubbing his head. Based on what Kazuichi had said, this ‘disease’ was known on the island by now. Perhaps others were also infected? That didn’t seem to ease Gundham’s mind very much. People fussing over him and trying to ‘help’ him was already a concept that didn’t sit well with him, and this disease apparently had a mind of its own and made the thought tie his stomach into tight knots of worry. Hopefully he would just heal up quickly and get this over with- forget it ever even happened.

The disease poked at his mind with the realization that healing would mean being vulnerable in front of even more people. Gundham felt his heart both sink and speed up its rate. The Devas, seeming to sense this, nestled closer to his neck, the warmth of their fur probably not doing wonders for his fever, but they did ease his shivers slightly, and for that, he was silently thankful. 

Gundham nearly jumped out of his skin when the somewhat comforting silence was broken by voices outside his door. He shrunk into his pillow, hands kneading his blanket in uncontrollably fearful anticipation that irritated him immensely on the inside.  
The voices were hazy, but maybe that was just him. One he could easily make out to be Kazuichi’s, having heard it earlier. One was stuttering and timid- Mikan’s? That would make sense. He wasn’t expecting a third voice, but he heard one anyway. _... Oh._ The clear and anxious voice of Sonia made Gundham want to slam his head into the wall- great, the person he was closest to here was worried about him. This was just great. He could hear Kazuichi warning and informing the nurse and princess of the situation through the door, and felt an odd prickle of appreciation towards him for doing so. A wave of nausea overpowered that before he could dwell on it though, and he forcefully pushed it down as the unlocked door creaked open. Against his will, he felt his body freeze up and he shrunk with a small whimper (Gundham cringed internally at the noise) as the three carefully stepped into his room.

“... Oh dear,” Sonia was the first to say something, one hand covering her mouth as her pale eyes, wide with worry, studied Gundham. Mikan seemed to share the same reaction, apprehensive gaze glittering with anxiety.

The breeder twitched under all three of their stares. Did they _really_ have to look at him like that? It made him feel trapped. Judged.

It was a feeling that he had experienced many times before.

It was a feeling that was never welcome.

He felt the shivers quickly return, and he unconsciously starting hugging his arms, nails digging a little into his sleeves. Gundham’s mind felt foggy, any coherent thoughts he might’ve had beforehand now blurring messily together. 

He hated this.

This feeling of weakness. 

Powerlessness.

“G-G-Gundham...?”

Fear.

“... Tanaka? Dude?”

Fear of everyone.

Of everything.

“Gundham!”

Gundham immediately flinched at Sonia’s piercingly high tone. It cut through the fog, and forced him to look up, quivering. He realized that there were frustrated tears pricking the corners of his eyes, threatening to spill and make him look like even more of a fool. He forced them back. Not today. He will not be crying today. Not in front of people.

Not in front of... enemies... people who can... betray him...

“Gundham are you alright?” Sonia’s voice, heavy with concern, “We are here to help you. Please, do let us. I promise we are not here to hurt you.”

Gundham knew that Sonia would never hurt him. Mikan probably couldn’t hurt anybody even if she _wanted_ to. His thoughts drifted to consider Kazuichi, and he felt his mind cloud again with hesitation as he regarded the mechanic. Would Kazuichi honestly hurt him? He pushed the thought away, though it now lingered at the back of his mind like a pesky fly. And unfortunately his disease was a sloppy fly-swatter.

“...S-Sonia..?” he mumbled. Her name felt foreign on his tongue. Usually he always used nicknames for her. He could tell that the other three were unnerved by the use of her given name as well- Kazuichi’s eyes had widened slightly in an emotion that he couldn’t read at the moment. 

He felt a flicker of thankfulness that Sonia didn’t point it out, and she just dipped her head slightly, “Yes. I am here. If we find that you have the disease, we are required to bring you to the hospital, where Mikan will be healing you...”

Gundham couldn’t control his visible wince at the word ‘hospital’. Why, though? He was not the slightest bit afraid of hospitals. Then again, he was not the slightest bit afraid of these mortals and yet here he was, bunched up in the corner of his bed like a piece of trapped prey. He internally sighed- this was going to take a lot of humiliating ‘getting-used-to’.

“I-I... I don’t...” he began to stammer, but somehow couldn’t find a proper ending to his words and instead just bunched up his blankets in his fists a little more.

“... Told ya it’d be difficult,” Kazuichi murmured, rubbing the back of his neck with a hand, “I figured Miss Sonia might be able to encourage him a little, since he’s not gonna get better if we just leave him here.”

Feeling a small pang of surprise, Gundham’s gaze momentarily turned to Kazuichi, but the mechanic didn’t meet it. Apparently both Mikan and Sonia were a little bit surprised by his initiative too, but they didn’t say anything about the matter either.

“Y-yes... Um...” his attention was diverted by Mikan’s voice, “I’m sorry Gundham... B-but I’m going to have to test t-to see if you have a fever, a-and then we need you to isolate a-at the hospital,” she clasped her hands together anxiously.

Gundham twitched. He hated being touched even when he wasn’t diseased. But now that he was? Being touched was even more of a massive no-no.

“... Do not come near me,” he managed to growl out, both surprising and pleasing himself with the amount of steadiness that had abruptly returned to his voice.

Mikan flinched and stumbled away from the bed a little, immediately mumbling apologies. Sonia frowned slightly, thoughtfulness etching her features.

“Ah... Um, Miss Sonia? Maybe _you_ should check his temperature?” Kazuichi spoke up, “I mean, you’ve already been around the other three so uh... I don’t think you need to worry about getting infected at this point. He definitely won’t let me touch him, and I’m pretty sure he trusts you more than Mikan...”

Sonia hesitated, looking to Gundham, who found himself staring back uncertainly. San-D popped out of the scarf, tapping his cheek with a paw in what he perceived to be her way of saying ‘it’s ok, it’s safe’. He knew that. He knew that he was safe. He could trust Sonia.

But he could never be sure.

Trembling, he forced himself to sit forward a little, one hand now worrying the end of his scarf. He looked down, not meeting anyone’s gazes, so he missed how both Sonia and Kazuichi brightened slightly. Sonia cautiously edged forward until she was closer to Gundham, and he shuffled back slightly out of new instincts, twitching with nervousness. He watched Sonia like a hawk as she brought her hand up and gently touched the back of it against his forehead. His breath hitched and he inevitably froze up, and she quickly moved her hand away as she noticed, backing away entirely from Gundham. 

“Yes, he is indeed burning up, Mikan,” she nodded solemnly, holding the hand that she had touched him with and brushing her thumb over her knuckles.

Mikan trembled, looking at Gundham in fear that he would snap at her again, “U-u-um... Ok...W-we need to get you to the hospital right now i-in that case, Gundham. P-please come with us, I promise that you will be safe and you will get the care that you need,” she rambled, tensing herself as she waited for a response.

Gundham visibly hesitated, before tilting his head slightly with a mumble, “... A-and what happens if I don’t come with you?”

Sonia and Mikan both exchanged an unsure glance, and so it was Kazuichi who spoke up, “You won’t get better and you’ll stay like this for even longer.”

“Kazuichi!” Sonia’s tone turned scolding, and Kazuichi raised his hands up in defence.

“I-I’m sorry, Miss Sonia! But it’s the truth, right? He won’t get better unless he gets to the hospital.”

Gundham blinked, and internally he was urging himself to just go with them and get this over with. His corrupted mind screamed at him to not trust them, but he swallowed and nodded slowly, sluggishly fighting against the disease, “... Fine...”

With a reassuring smile, Sonia gave him an encouraging nod, “There we go. Can you, um, get up?”

He hesitated before struggling out of the blankets that had formed a makeshift barrier, and staggered out of his bed unsteadily. Sonia lingered uncertainly, as if ready to help him if he fell over, but Gundham managed to hold his ground, hugging his arms with a shudder. He hated this. He already just wanted to go back to his bed, curl up, and maybe just sleep his way through recovery. 

But he was up now. And he had to commit to... whatever this even was. With an audible sigh, he shakily followed Mikan as she led the way out of the cottage. Sonia stayed around him, but kept her distance, and Kazuichi lingered at the back. Gundham’s skin prickled with the feeling of being watched, monitored, thought about, looked at- and the thoughts continued to torment him as the glint of morning light danced on his sleeves and the crisp air flicked at his loose strands of hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading so far. Hope you'll enjoy what's to come! Kudos and comments are appreciated :)


	4. Stay calm, heal up, come back to us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gundham safely gets to the hospital.  
> Kazuichi reflects on weight of their situation.  
> And little yakuza makes an appearance!

Kazuichi trailed behind Sonia and Gundham, following at a distance out of catuion towards the newly diagnosed breeder. At least they were going to the hospital now. That was something.

As much as he didn’t like seeing Sonia and Gundham together, he knew that she was the best person to help him, so Kazuichi couldn’t help but feel a small slither of gladness that he had asked the princess to come along. He trudged after the two now, watching how Sonia kept a careful eye on Gundham at all times. The breeder was slouched ever-so-slightly and stumbling- any remnants of the usual dignity with which he typically held himself had vanished. Kazuichi tried hard to ignore the mild sympathy worming its way into his soul, but, yeah, he did feel _kind of sorry_ for him.

If any part of Gundham was aware of how he was acting, he must’ve been feeling so humiliated on the inside. Again, Kazuichi found himself wanting to see the normal version of him- the arrogant and eccentric version of him. Not... whatever this was. It was disturbing, even to him. 

He shook his head to clear his thoughts as they neared the hospital, Mikan carefully creaking open the door to be greeted by Hajime and Fuyuhiko. Kazuichi noted how the end of Gundham’s scarf, which had been slowly bouncing behind him in an honestly pretty hypnotic way, now hitched, as if he had tensed upon seeing the others.

Fuyuhiko’s remaining eye scanned over the group that had just entered, “... Damn, a lot of us have been in contact with infected people then, huh? So much for trying to reduce the spread of infection...”

Hajime grimaced, “Yeah... Oh well, we’ve got Gundham now. He’s the only infected one left, isn’t he?”

Gundham twitched as his name was mentioned, grey eyes darting over to Hajime as his hands unconsciously tied the front end of his scarf into little knots. Fuyuhiko blinked, eye widening a little. Even _he_ was looking perturbed, “Uh... Yeah. Mikan will get ‘im in a room then.”

Mikan nodded quickly, disappearing down the hallway to go and find a room for the new patient.

Kazuichi hesitated for a couple of second before speaking up, “... Do ya think he’ll be ok here?”

All eyes turned to him, and all of them were surprised- even Gundham’s formerly dull and feverishly paranoid expression was bemused. Kazuichi started feeling awkward, realizing that what he said made him sound... worried. God, he was _not_ worried. 

“I mean... He’s got like the Fear Disease or somethin’, clearly, right?” he continued slowly, “I’m just bein’ cautious. What if being left in a hospital triggers him? Hospitals are uh... scary places, y’know?”

He could’ve sworn that Gundham’s eyes narrowed slightly at him in his usual condescending manner, but the breeder gave a small shudder and sunk into his scarf before he could confirm it. Kazuichi turned to the others, hoping that his point was getting across to them. To his relief, it seemed as though they seemed to be considering his words.

“That’s... true... ” Hajime said thoughtfully, “Hm... Well Sonia and I have already worked with the infected when we helped Mikan to get them here, so we could help. Sonia can watch Gundham, since she knows him better than any of us.”

Kazuichi felt a small pang of... something at that, but he nodded. Sonia nodded in agreement as well, paying close attention to what was being said, “Yes. I am more than willing to stay here and help in any way possible.”

Gundham was completely silent, shivering on the spot as his bleary grey gaze warily scanned the hospital. He didn’t seem to be really listening to what they were saying, gaze glinting with worry as he took in the compressing atmosphere of the building. Kazuichi was pretty sure his surroundings were his main source of fear rather than them at this point- which was... reassuring, in a sense. Mikan returned after a few minutes.

“A-ah I’m sorry for making you wait! Did I take too long?” she babbled as she stumbled through the doors, seeming to break Gundham out of his feverish trance as he regarded the nurse with a mixture of annoyance, distrust, and anxiety.

“Not at all,” Sonia smiled, and Kazuichi felt a familiar twinge of admiration at her patience, “Hajime and I have decided to stay here at the hospital in order to help you, Mikan. I hope we can be of good assistance.”

Mikan’s face brightened and she gave a small, coy smile, “Ah! Yes, t-that will be amazing, thank you. Thank you!” she turned to Gundham, smile disappearing almost as quickly as it came, “U-um... Just this way please, Gundham... Sonia, i-if you don’t mind...”

Sonia obediently came a little closer to him, and he jumped visibly (both Hajime and Fuyuhiko raised their eyebrows in surprise at that), taking a step away from her. She murmured something quiet to him that Kazuichi, to his mild frustration, couldn’t catch, but whatever it was seemed to ease Gundham slightly. She carefully coaxed the trembling breeder after Mikan, and the hamsters poked out of the back of his scarf as they left, waving their little paws unsurely at Hajime, Fuyuhiko and Kazuichi. Were hamsters even allowed in the hospital? Oh well, Gundham probably needed their presence. Kazuichi found himself waving back to the little critters as the hospital doors swung shut behind them, and they were gone.

Hesitantly, Kazuichi looked to Hajime and Fuyuhiko, “... So. You’re stayin’ here then, Hajime?”

Hajime nodded with a sigh, “Yeah. Mikan needs all the help she gets,” he rubbed the back of his neck with a hand, looking at the doors that the girls and Gundham had left through, “What a cruel motive. Making our friends ill and act so unlike themselves,” he shook his head, “It’ll be fine though... If Sonia, Mikan and I are here with the patients, then you two and the others will be staying at the motel.”

Fuyuhiko hummed, folding his arms as his distinctively youthful features crinkled in thought, “Yeah... We’ll need a way to communicate between the motel and this place though, since Hajime, Sonia and Mikan will technically all be isolating with the patients.”

Kazuichi watched the yakuza think to himself, taking in how quiet he was being as he did so. There was an aura of newfound solemnity around him, so different to his hot-headed and turbulent attitude prior to the previous trial. He felt a prickle of sadness as he realized just how much Fuyuhiko must be hurting after the loss of Peko, and how much it must have wounded his pride to change his ways. However, with his sad sympathy came a sense of pride- he was proud that the yakuza was now making the effort to stand with them, even if the push for him to do so came at the high cost of both his eye and the only person he truly cared about on this island... This killing game really was brutal. The current motive was enough proof of their suffering; the murders and bloodshed were just the clearest evidence. Kazuichi shuddered slightly as he found himself wondering- not for the first time- if this ‘game’ would ever end. And if it ever did, how many people would have to die and suffer beforehand?

“I’ve got it.”

The return of Fuyuhiko’s voice snapped Kazuichi out of his downwards-spiralling thoughts, and he was glad that he could be distracted from his own mind.

“Kazuichi, think you can put ya mechanic skills to work for this one?”

Kazuichi tilted his head, attention fully perked. A way to be useful that involved the only thing he exceeded at? He was all ears. 

“Ok, so. You think you’d be able to build some sorta device that allows us to communicate from the motel with the people here at the hospital?” Fuyuhiko suggested, leaning back against the tattered wall.

Excited, he nodded in response, “Ah- Yeah! I should be able to get it done quick- there’s a lotta spare parts in Electric Avenue.”

“Don’t overwork yourself,” Hajime warned, looking back to them, “We don’t need you in the hospital, too.”

Kazuichi grinned, flashing a thumbs-up, “Doooon’t sweat it. I’ll get it done in a jiffy, no problem!” His mind was already making blueprints, and he could see them vividly. Heh. Ultimate Mechanic at work!

Hajime looked a little relieved, “Ah, alright then. Thanks, Kazuichi,” he stood up from where he was leaning against the wall, “I’d better go check on Nagito... Mikan’s probably got her hands full with Gundham and Nagito’s condition isn’t great.”

“Ah...” as much as Kazuichi disliked the creep, he didn’t wish death upon him, so he nodded, “Alright, you go do that.”

Hajime waved to them as he disappeared down the hospital hallway, leaving Kazuichi and Fuyuhiko. The yakuza grunted quietly, standing up straighter and shoving his hands into his pockets.

“Guess we’d better get goin’ then, huh? You’ve got work to do, and we don’t wanna be in the way,” he muttered, moving to exit the hospital.

Kazuichi hesitated briefly, casting a glance down the hallway, before nodding quickly and skittering to join Fuyuhiko as they left the unsettling atmosphere that the building seemed to create by default. 

It probably didn't mean anything- it's just a hospital. 

Hospitals are scary places, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading so far. Hope you’ll enjoy what’s to come! Kudos and comments are appreciated :)


	5. A mechanic and a reformed gangster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kazuichi and Fuyuhiko have a little bit of bonding time.

They crossed the island, on their way back to the motel, in silence. Kazuichi wouldn’t necessarily describe it as ‘uncomfortable’, even if he still wasn’t completely at ease with the yakuza’s presence yet. Just... a little heavy- but understandably so, of course, given the many elements of their situation. Fuyuhiko was looking at the ground, his single hazel eye holding no signs of readable emotion. After debating whether or not he should just let the guy ponder in peace, Kazuichi broke the silence.

“... You good, man?”

Fuyuhiko’s gaze flickered to Kazuichi, who felt a small twinge of regret as he wondered if he was going to get badmouthed for this. To his relief, though, he had not nearly as angry of a reaction as he would’ve had not too long ago.

“... Yeah, I’m good. Just thinkin’. Everything’s just been crappy recently, y’know?” he sighed lightly, lifting his head to look ahead as they walked, “Well- Fuck, I dunno what I’m saying- this entire game is crappy. Really crappy.”

Kazuichi nodded along with his words, agreeing wholeheartedly with what he was saying.

“Y-yeah... This sucks,” he hummed, fiddling unsurely with the rim of his beanie with one hand, “... But we’ll make it through it, right?”

He hated how uncertain he sounded, but he couldn’t help it- he really didn’t know what the future held for them. All of them. Did any of them even have that much of a future ahead of them? It put him a little bit more at ease when Fuyuhiko gave a small nod.

“Mhm. We have to. Otherwise everyone who died, or everyone who might die, would’ve...” his voice drifted off into silence again, going back to keeping his gaze trained on the ground.

He didn’t really need to finish his sentence though- Kazuichi knew what he wanted to say. He started thinking that maybe he shouldn’t have said anything at all as they continued in even heavier silence- but they arrived at the motel eventually. With most of their group at the hospital, and Nekomaru’s status undetermined, the only ones at the motel would be the two of them, Chiaki and Hiyoko. From the looks of it, Hiyoko was locking herself in her room- Kazuichi and Fuyuhiko both silently agreed that that wasn’t their problem- and Chiaki must’ve been exploring at the time. 

“So, about that communication-device-thing,” Fuyuhiko spoke up casually as Kazuichi unlocked the door to his room, “Don’t mean to rush ya, but how long d’you think it’ll take for you to make?”

Kazuichi hummed, moving into his room, and looking around, “Not too long. I’ll have to go and look for the parts for it though, but I think I’ve already got a rough idea of how ta make it.”

Behind him, Fuyuhiko made a small ‘hm’ noise, and the mechanic grew conscious of the fact that he still had his company. Hm... Maybe...

“... Say, you wanna come with?”

He couldn’t see the yakuza since his back was still to him, but he could tell that he was hesitating based on his delayed response.

“... Yeah, sure. May as well make myself useful somehow,” he mumbled after a bit, and Kazuichi could hear him shuffling slightly from foot to foot in the threshold.

He smiled to himself, before turning around to go back to Fuyuhiko, now with his toolkit, “Alrighty, off to Electric Avenue we go!”

Fuyuhiko gave a slight nod, trailing after him and then walking next to him as they left the motel to go and look for the parts.  
As they walked in now more comfortable silence, Kazuichi found himself wondering how Gundham was settling in. He wasn’t sure why. He wasn’t exactly worried about the breeder... was he? He shook his head, choosing to ignore the odd look that he got from Fuyuhiko for doing so. Of course he wasn’t worried. The guy was just sick- and he was under Mikan’s care, he’ll be fine. His mind relaxed slightly. Yeah, all of the patients will be fine with the Ultimate Nurse looking after them.

And then his worry spiked to a peak once he came to a realization.

The disease was the motive.

It won’t go away until somebody was _killed_.

“Oi. Earth to Kazuichi. I asked ya somethin’.”  
Kazuichi snapped out of his thoughts, looking to the yakuza with a blink, “Oh- Uh... Didn’t hear you, sorry. What was it?”

Fuyuhiko raised an eyebrow, “... You’re kinda spacey. Whatcha thinkin’ about?”

“... Uh... Just... thinking,” he mumbled in response.

Fuyuhiko tilted his head, “Well, no offense, but being thoughtful or using your brain at all isn’t really somethin’ that you demonstrate often.”

“H-hey!”

He rolled his eye, “What? It’s true,” he shook his head, “Anyway, that’s not important. Somethin’s clearly bothering you, so what is it?”

Kazuichi hesitated, wondering how to phrase his thoughts in a way that left out anything that might seem unlike him. Eventually, he sighed, “I dunno. I guess the fact that the disease is only gonna go away if someone is killed y’know? Those four people- and maybe even more if the illness is around long enough to spread- are just gonna continue to suffer , and them gettin’ better comes at the cost of someone’s murder.”

He could tell that Fuyuhiko was unused to talking about feelings, or even listening to others talk about theirs, and so he felt a flicker of gratitude as the yakuza gave a slow nod, clearly making an effort to understand.

“I get that...” he murmured, “... It’s a bit of a daunting thought, huh? But we don’t have much control over it, so,” he gave a slight shrug, “Maybe it’d be best if we just keep doin’ all that we can to earn the least shitty outcome,” he looked up as the two neared Electric Avenue, “It’s bound to work if we try hard enough.”

Kazuichi hummed quietly, and gave a nod.

“Yeah. You’re right.”

And he really _did_ believe he was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading so far. Hope you'll enjoy what's to come! Kudos and comments are appreciated :)


	6. Someone to trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonia's company makes Gundham realize that a hospital is no place for hamsters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been like four days and there's 70+ kudos already? That's more than I was expecting lmao,, thank you.

Gundham watched half-heartedly as late evening light now filtered through his thin curtains, tinting his bedsheets in dusty orange. The Devas skittered quietly up and down the windowsill, and he felt a small twinge of guilt that his bedridden state disabled him from taking them outside to let them exercise properly. He was sitting upright, hugging a pillow as he brushed his fingertips against the edges. Despite the exhaustion coursing through his muscles, his corrupted brain was loudly reminding him that he couldn’t sleep in such an environment, and so he didn’t. Many hours had passed since he was put in this dreadful place, and Sonia and Mikan had left him a little while ago after getting him settled in hopes that he would rest. The small, still sane part of his conscious mind kept telling himself that this wasn’t a bad place- that he’ll be ok there. Safe. He’d been in hospitals many times before, since working with animals could be dangerous, and he had been fine every time- so what would be different this time? His mind nagged him with the fact that this was a killing game where he could trust nobody, and that was what was different this time. No. It’s fine. He’s _fine_.

But he couldn’t convince himself- if... whoever was sitting in this bed was even ‘himself’ at all. 

Head pounding, Gundham shivered, fiddling with the sleeve of his hospital gown with one hand, and bunching it up so that it covered up more of his wrist. Maga-Z hopped into his scarf, which had been neatly arranged in a curl by Sonia on his bedside table. He poked his head out, nose twitching as he gave a small squeak in his master's direction, kneading the cloth with his paws as he looked around and looked back at Gundham. Even in his delirious state, the Ultimate Breeder could easily tell that his subordinate was communicating something along the lines of ‘it’s not that bad, just try to relax’.

“... You’re right,” he rasped out slightly, voice sounding infuriatingly wobbly, “B-but I do not think I am able to. This...” he shuddered, looking around the hospital room and tightening his grip on his pillow, closing his eyes as he lowered his head, “I... I do not like this...”

The Devas looked between each other, and then all four soundlessly crawled over from their previous positions and onto Gundham’s lap, nuzzling against his crossed legs through the sheets to offer as much comfort as possible. He peeked out through his still-messy hair down at them, and then shakily lowered one hand to stroke them. They all rubbed against his hand, making soothing little squeaks. Apparently animals are an effective remedy, because he felt himself relax a little as he gently petted their fur. He just wished that his hand would stop twitching as he did so.

The therapeutic little petting session was interrupted by the creak of the door opening. Even though Sonia specifically made her entrance into his room slow and careful, Gundham still managed to get startled, head jolting up at the sound as he stopped stroking the Devas.

“...It is only me, my friend, please do not worry,” the princess gave him a comforting, albeit a bit sad, smile as she gently closed the door behind her.

Gundham twitched nervously as he watched her slowly approach him, but didn’t say anything. 

“Ah... Did you not sleep after Mikan and I left you alone?” she blinked, pale gaze searching his face.

Mistaking her concerned tone for an accusatory one, he immediately felt a small wave of panic, and before he could stop it, he blurted out an apology, “Was that the wrong thing to do? Ah... Wait, of course it was- I was supposed to sleep, was I not? I-I do apologise...”

Sonia hastily raised her hands, which made a bit of a dent in her usual regal appearance and composure, “Oh! No, no, please do not worry,” Gundham stared at her as she shook her head, “No, you have not done anything ‘wrong’, we simply wish for you to sleep for your own benefit- it may help you feel better.”

He blinked, and then swallowed, hugging the pillow closer to his chest as he looked away from her and through the small crack in his curtains, “I... can’t.”

The princess tilted her head, “... Oh, you are having trouble sleeping?”

He gave a small, wordless nod.

“Hm... That is an issue... Are you aware of anything that might make you tired?”

Gundham hesitated, taking a few moments to think, and then slowly shook his head, “W-well, I usually read, but... I don’t know if there are books in the hospital...” he murmured, letting the Devas crawl up his arms and nestle on his shoulders against his neck.

Sonia nodded thoughtfully, “Yes, I am afraid not... Perhaps we could ask Kazuichi to go back and bring one for you when he brings the communication device here.”

“...” he shivered, unresponsive, as he tugged his bed sheets closer to his body.

“...Are you cold?” she asked, taking a seat close to Gundham’s bed, but still keeping her distance. 

He shook his head, looking back and now warily keeping his gaze on her, “No... I just can’t stop shaking, i-it would seem,” he sunk a little, hiding the lower half of his face behind the pillow, since he couldn’t hide in his scarf.

Sonia’s eyes rounded with sympathy, and he hated that she would waste such an emotion him. That one small part of him was grateful for her company, though. He was always grateful for her company. 

However, his thoughts fumbled in confusion as he the infected parts of him started to wonder if he wanted her to leave or stay- was he afraid of her, or was he afraid of her leaving him alone? 

Gundham felt even sicker with the paradox, uncrossing his legs and drawing his knees up so that the pillow was sandwiched between his knees and his chest, and sighed. Sonia, apparently noticing his increasing discomfort, tilted her head and attempted to distract him, pale gaze drifting to the Devas, “Ah, do the little Devas have food here?”

He gave a small shake of his head, “... S-seeds are in my jacket. Back at my cottage...” he watched the Devas fall asleep on his shoulders, each one either cuddled up against each other or against his neck, “... Will they be ok here?” he asked quietly.

He saw Sonia blink as if she was surprised by the question, but she answered, “... If we bring their food here, then they should be relatively ok,” she chuckled as she light-heartedly added, “ _You_ are the expert, Gundham. Not me.”

Gundham shuddered, lifting a hand to tentatively brush a finger along Jum-P’s back, “I... I do not think a h-hospital is the best place for them... I am unable to care for them properly i-in this... this state. And neither is a-anyone else here, given the environment,” he murmured reluctantly, “But... I don’t know where else they can go...”

Sonia’s brow furrowed slightly in thought, “Hm... The others outside of the hospital are Chiaki, Fuyuhiko, Kazuichi and Hiyoko, so they are the only ones available to take care of them for you...”

He stared at her dubiously, clearly communicating that he did not trust any of them with one Deva, let alone all four. 

The princess tilted her head, seeming to quickly understand what he was thinking, “I know that you are wary of them, but I believe you can trust them,” she said gently, “Well, perhaps not Hiyoko. And Fuyuhiko may be... unwilling.”

So, it was between Kazuichi and Chiaki. Gundham bit back a sigh, knowing that Chiaki would easily be considered more trustworthy than the mechanic by anyone, but, oddly enough, he found himself deciding that they were both equally unfit for the task, taking into consideration the gamer’s tendency to be spacey or straight up nod off. Perhaps the way that Kazuichi had helped him earlier that day made him feel the slightest bit less watchful of him. But, putting him on the same level as Chiaki, who could be very sweet and helpful when she was awake?

Was he actually starting to _trust_ his enemy?

...

This fever was messing up his thoughts. Of course he wasn’t... trusting Kazuichi. He could trust no-one.

“I... I will think about it...” Gundham mumbled, wondering about how lonely he’d feel if his beloved Devas were elsewhere, but also reminding himself that they needed to be looked after properly, whether they were with him or not.

Sonia nodded quietly, and then looked outside through the crack in the curtains, where the evening sky had been painted a musty dark blue to signal the start of the early night. She stood up, smoothening out the creases in her dress, “Mikan will be here soon to check on you before it gets even later. I will leave you be for now...”

Gundham watched her move to leave the room, part of him wanting her to stay; to not leave him alone in the dark in this unfamiliar place. Any words he wanted to say seemed to get stuck in his throat, and he peered after her unhappily as she closed the door gently behind her and moved down the hallway. With a small sigh, he turned his gaze back to the window, reaching over slightly to brush the curtains out of the way so he could look outside. Faint specks of moonlight caught on the sleeping Devas’ fur as he blinked up at the pale moon through the clouds. His mind wandered to thoughts that he didn’t even bother indulging in anymore, or try to fight. He just let the thoughts come and bring all the disorder it wanted to his fragile being. 

It was around 9:30pm when his attention was perked by nearby voices, and he tore himself out of the labyrinth that was his brain and blinked slowly out into the hallway through the window in his door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading so far. Hope you'll enjoy what's to come! Kudos and comments are appreciated :)


	7. In the words of Fuyuhiko, 'hospital rules, my ass'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kazuichi manages to get the monitor set up during the night, and Hajime and Sonia still have plans to stay overnight.  
> That is, until Monokuma shows up.

“Wow, you finished it very quickly!”

Kazuichi blushed slightly and mumbled a ‘thanks’ as Sonia’s genuine compliment sounded behind him, and he continued fiddling with the camera and monitor that he had brought to the hospital. Of course had finished it quickly- he _was_ the Ultimate Mechanic after all. And with Fuyuhiko’s help and continual company throughout the entire day, he was able to put it all together in time to set it up at the hospital on the night of the same day. After a couple of minutes of fiddling and arranging wires, he stood back.

“There,” he murmured, “Should be able to connect to the one at the motel now. I asked Fuyuhiko to stay behind and see, so...”

He turned the monitor and camera on, and the screen successfully flickered to life as Hajime and Sonia came behind him to see if it would work. Sure enough, one or two seconds later of static and loading, Fuyuhiko appeared on the other side, head tilted and looking pretty confused. 

“Uhh... Did I fuck this up or can ya see me?” the yakuza gave an unsure little wave at them, and Kazuichi couldn’t help his small snort of laughter at his cluelessness. 

“D-don’t laugh at me, bastard!” Fuyuhiko snapped, crossing his arms with a scowl as his glare still managed to pierce them through the screen, “Ok, good. I’m guessin’ it worked then.”

“Hehe... Sorry,” Kazuichi grinned. The guy could be fun to mess with. “Yeah, we can see you. How do we look?”

“Fucking. Beautiful,” Fuyuhiko's voice dripped with sarcasm as he rolled his eye, “How do you want me to respond to that?”

He snickered again, and he could hear both Sonia and Hajime now laughing quietly behind him as well.

“...” he narrowed his eye at them, looking unamused.

“Heh. Ok, ok, so that means it’s working well,” Kazuichi smiled, “That’s great. Now we have a way to communicate.”

“Yeah,” he grunted, and then shook his head, “So. How’re things over there?”

Looking to Sonia and Hajime for answers, Kazuichi leaned back.

Hajime hummed, looking thoughtful, “Unfortunately, I don’t think much progress has been made on anybody. But like, it’s only been the first day, so...” he gave a small shrug, “I guess we just have to wait it out. Mikan’s been working hard all day so we let her take a little nap whilst Sonia and I monitored everyone, but she’s checking Gundham now, I think,” his brow furrowed in concern, “From what we’ve seen, him and Nagito have it the worst out of the four of them- Gundham being the most emotionally... unpredictable, and Nagito being the most physically sick.”

Kazuichi’s heart sunk a little to hear that they weren’t doing well, even for Nagito. He decided to just accept the fact that he also felt for Gundham at this point, even if he wasn’t entirely sure why, or how, even. He tilted his head, “So Akane and Ibuki are doin’ better than them?”

Sonia rubbed one of her arms, looking to the ground, “Not much better, but yes,” she answered truthfully, “There are times that we have managed to get Akane to stop crying, and seems to be tired enough from it all to sleep and rest efficiently. Ibuki has occasionally stood up and walked around, but it is easy to convince her to return to bed and rest. Both are still highly feverish as well, though,” she shook her head, “Nagito will require Mikan’s aid throughout the night. And I... doubt that Gundham is comfortable enough to get very much sleep, if any at all,” she continued sadly.

Kazuichi sighed, fiddling with the collar of his jumpsuit in discomfort, “That... sucks,” he muttered, “For all of them, really.”

The other three nodded in solemn agreement, an uncomfortably weighty silence stretching out between them, before Fuyuhiko spoke up from the other side, “... It’ll be fine. Mikan has you two as helpers for the night, right?”

Hajime nodded, “Yeah. Sonia and I will take it in turns to-”

He was cut off by a certain black and white bear popping seemingly out of nowhere, grinning slyly as he startled Kazuichi out of his skin. He moved away from Monokuma, cursing him as he usually did whenever he saw him as he pulled his beanie down over his eyes a little.

“Hey hey hey! Doesn’t your generation read bulletin boards anymore?! Or are you all just blind?” he said snappishly, lifting a paw to flash his claws at the group. 

Sonia blinked, and said what Kazuichi was thinking, though in a much politer way than he could ever manage, “Um... Pardon?”

“Bulletin! Board!” Monokuma growled, “Read the notice!”

Looking around, Kazuichi noticed that Hajime had moved to the lobby’s bulletin board, reading the notice that was attached to it- was that always there? He squinted. He was like 90% sure that it wasn’t there when he arrived. He watched as Hajime frown as he read it, wondering if his friend was thinking the same thing as well.

“What does it say?” Fuyuhiko muttered, a little impatiently, from the monitor.

“... Hajime’s takin’ his sweet time!” Monokuma chirped, “So! Basically what it says is that you kiddos can’t stay here overnight! Hospital rules! And a hospital is for the sick and the dying, not you spry, healthy young people! So get yer asses movin’!”

“Hold on,” Hajime murmured, looking back to the bear, “It says here that someone can stay if a patient needs to be accompanied.”

“Ah, that is correct!” Sonia nodded, as she too had moved to read the notice, “And... we have patients who certainly require overnight monitoring.”

Monokuma tilted his head, “You’re talkin’ about Nagito and Gundham, right? Geez,” he sighed, “Fine, fine. _One_ of you can stay. The rest of you better get out by 10pm!”

Before anyone could object, the bear disappeared from the hospital. Kazuichi sighed- great, so Mikan was going to be left here to care for all four of them by herself. 

“... Hospital rules, my ass,” Fuyuhiko grumbled, making them divert their attention back to the monitor, “He definitely added that rule just to mess up our plans.”

Hajime nodded in agreement, looking frustrated, and Sonia gave a smile that, surprisingly, bordered on wry. Kazuichi already felt sorry for Mikan- this was going to be really tough on her... 

As if on cue, the nurse came back to the lobby, “A-ah. H-h-hello everyone...”

Everyone either nodded or waved to her, and Sonia tilted her head, looking apprehensive, “How is Gundham...?”

Mikan hesitated, before looking crest-fallen, playing with her thumbs, “H-he can’t sleep at all a-and his fever is getting worse... I did all that I could to t-try and settle him, but I-I think that it’s still going to be a very restless night for him...”

Sonia’s shoulders sagged slightly, “I... see,” she gave a light sigh, “Monokuma just informed us that only you are allowed to stay overnight...”

The nurse’s eyes widened a little, and there was no mistaking the hint of disappointment in her small voice, “...O-oh.”

“Sonia and I will come back early in the morning,” Hajime quickly promised, “And we’ll stay to help you for the whole day until 10pm.”

Mikan offered a weak smile, “Y-yeah, that will be great. Thank you. D-don’t worry about things here, I-I’m sure I’ll be able to manage until morning...” she shook her head a little, choppy hair flicking left and right, “Yeah! It’ll be ok. It’s nearly 10pm, a-and I don’t want you to get in trouble so um... Goodnight, to all of you.”

There was a small chorus of goodnights from the group as Mikan turned and shuffled down the dark hallway to return to the patients. 

Fuyuhiko looked at them, “Well. I guess you guys will be heading back here, in that case. Be seeing you.”

Kazuichi nodded, leaning forward to switch the monitor off, “Yeah... See ya,” he saw a split-second of Fuyuhiko waving to them before the monitor screen was reduced to static, and then shut off completely. 

“... Well we’d better get back to the motel,” Hajime murmured, moving to exit the building, “Sonia and I have to be here early tomorrow.”

The mentioned princess nodded, following him, and Kazuichi watched after Mikan before joining them, and the three of them left the hospital and into the night.

When they arrived back at the motel, nobody who was staying there was in sight, and so Kazuichi guessed that everyone had retired for the night. Hajime had also departed to go to his room after saying bye to them both, which left him with Sonia outside the motel rooms. Kazuichi felt a small hint of nervousness, unsure of what to say to the princess. However, to his surprise, it seemed that she wanted to speak with him anyway.

“Oh, Kazuichi. There is something that I wish to ask of you...”

Kazuichi tilted his head, all ears.

“... On behalf of Gundham.”

He blinked at the added last part. What would Gundham ever want with him? He nodded slowly anyway, still willing to listen but now slightly unsure about how this conversation would progress. 

“You see,” Sonia started, folding her hands in front of her in that regal way, “He is worried that the Devas won’t be taken care of properly throughout the day in the hospital, and so he is debating letting somebody take care of them in his absence.”

... Ah.

The hamsters.

...

Wait.

“... You want _me_ to take care of them?” Kazuichi blinked.

Sonia smiled slightly, “Well. Yes, I do- and I believe Gundham is considering you, too. You or Chiaki,” she added, “However, I believe that you taking care of them could improve your... iffy relationship with him, you see?”

He stared at her in disbelief. He wasn’t even sure he trusted _himself_ with the hamsters- why would she? Why would _Gundham_?

“U-uh, Miss Sonia- I don’t think the hamsters even like me...” he mumbled.

The princess brightened slightly, which confused Kazuichi until she spoke, “Perhaps this could be a chance for you to bond with them, then!”

Kazuichi blinked at her. She really was good at finding positive outcomes, huh? Then again, staying positive was likely just another required attribute of being royalty. She did have a point though- helping to take care of the little guys could be good for getting Gundham to trust him, in both his infected and normal state. 

Never did he think he would be considering taking care of Gundham Tanaka’s prized ‘Four Dark Devas of Destruction’.

“I mean... I could try,” he rubbed the back of his neck with a hand, “I can come by tomorrow morning, after you and Hajime, and visit Gundham myself. See what he thinks. And if he agrees then... yeah, I guess I’ll take care of them.”

Sonia lit up in relief, clasping her hands together, “Thank you very much! I am sorry if this inconveniences you... I would do it myself, but I do not think it would make much difference, considering I am at the hospital all the day...”

Kazuichi waved a hand with a grin, “Nah, don’t sweat it. It’ll be fine.”

She smiled, bowing slightly, “Thank you. I am sure Gundham will appreciate it, too,” she turned, opening the door to her motel room, “Goodnight, Kazuichi.”

“Night, Miss Sonia!”

As the princess retreated into her own room for the night, Kazuichi turned, moving slowly back to his own room. Surely taking care of hamsters wouldn’t be too difficult, right? He shook his head, trying not to doubt himself too much over something that didn’t seem like that big of a task.

However, even if it wasn’t a big task, he felt like it would have a big impact nonetheless- and that both intrigued him as well as take a jab at his nerves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading so far. Hope you'll enjoy what's to come! Kudos and comments are appreciated :)


	8. Can hamsters read?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kazuichi struggles with weird occult words and Gundham, even in his delirious state, finds it low-key hilarious.  
> A more light-hearted chapter for the most part :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 100+ kudos wooo,, thank you very much!

Kazuichi hesitantly entered the hospital the next morning, peering around the empty lobby. Before coming, he had checked in from the motel to see if it was ok for him to still come, and Sonia had answered since Hajime and Mikan were apparently both with Nagito. Sonia, of course, had been very happy and accepting, and so here he was. 

On a quest.

To temporarily adopt some hamsters that were probably smarter than him. 

He shook his head with a sigh, wondering just how much he must’ve unknowingly messed up his life to end up in a situation like this as he moved down the hallway, checking the rooms to see which one was Gundham’s. He quickly found it after passing Nagito’s room, peeking through the window to see the breeder sitting up, gazing dully out of the window. Kazuichi wasn’t even sure that he knew he was there.

Very slowly and cautiously, he opened the door, flinching slightly as it squeaked with age. The small ruffling sounds of bed-sheets being hitched gave away the fact that Gundham had jumped, and he looked up to see that he had snapped around to stare at Kazuichi. He was breathing strangely, and his smoky grey eyes were now disturbingly spirally and much more unfocused than they were the last time the mechanic had seen them. 

“Woah- Calm down, calm down,” he tried soothing him, holding his hands up as if he was in the company of a dangerous animal- which was... pretty ironic, considering he was talking to an esteemed breeder of such creatures, “Just me.”

Gundham shivered, backing into the corner of his bed a little, and not saying anything, still watching Kazuichi with such an uncharacteristically panicky gaze. He stopped by the door, unsure if he should try to approach him much more, and then clearly thought the better of it and closed the door behind him, standing still in his spot. 

“It’s... just me,” he repeated again slowly, “I’m not here to hurt ya, or shout at ya or anythin’ like that. Promise.”

Gundham trembled as he continued to wear the same daunted look. From where he was standing on the other side of the room, Kazuichi could still see how clear it was that he hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep last night. His eyes, wide, alert and messy, also held traces of exhaustion that Kazuichi knew he physically just couldn’t act upon. They also looked like the breeder had kept them open for a very long time- it was honestly kind of unsettling to think about... Hopefully he was, well, blinking- otherwise that’d be a whole other issue. 

“W-what do you want from me, t-then?” he eventually stuttered, and, up until that point, Kazuichi had been certain that he had already heard him at his most vulnerable yesterday.  
But now, he somehow sounded even smaller, his deep voice weakened and single-handedly victimising the man who seemed completely fearless just a few days ago.

...

Was his condition seriously worsening? And _this_ quickly?

“...” Gundham looked like he was growing even antsier as Kazuichi took his sweet time to reply, so he mentally kicked himself and hastily came back to his senses.

“Just... visitin’,” he said lamely, “Checking in with you. And seeing if I can help you out with something,” he shook his head as the breeder blinked at him, “But we can, uh, talk about that later. When you’re more... relaxed.”

He felt a small pang of apprehension as the hamsters looked up at him from where they were on Gundham’s shoulders and head, reminding him of the main reason why he was here. Kazuichi pushed it away, trying to think of some way to ease the awkward tension in the air for the time being.

“So, uh... How are you feeling?” he asked as he leaned back against the wall.

Gundham hesitated for at least a good ten seconds before replying in a guarded but still shaky tone, “P-perfectly fine.”

Kazuichi wisely decided not to call him out on the obvious lie out of doubt that he would respond very well to him doing so, and instead nodded along, “Right... You get any sleep? Like, at all?”

He flinched in response to that, and had a briefer period of hesitation before starting to stumble on his words, “I-I... um- well-“

“...No?” Kazuichi tilted his head.

“I-I’m sorry but... yes. I-I mean, um...” his words got muddled up in his feverish confusion, “I mean... No, no I d-did not. Sorry.”

He dropped Kazuichi’s gaze, fiddling with his sleeve in discomfort. The action started to make Kazuichi feel guilty for questioning him in this sensitive state, so he looked around for another distraction. He noticed a book on Gundham’s bedside table beside his scarf- one of those thick, complicated looking ones that were probably based on the occult based on the details on the cover. Sonia must’ve brought it along with her this morning to keep him busy, but it looked like the breeder hadn’t even touched it. He seemed to be wide awake, yet distracted, twisting the fabric of his sleeve now.

“... You, uh, read any of that yet?”

Gundham’s gaze snapped back up to him, as if he had momentarily forgotten that Kazuichi was there. He took a second to figure out what he was talking about, and then he looked to the book and slowly shook his head. 

Trying not to sound like he was patronizing him, he continued, “Hm... Why don’tcha? Just a suggestion,” he added quickly, “I-it’s just somethin’ that could help you relax. Maybe.”

He blinked at Kazuichi, seeming to pause in his fiddling, before giving another slow nod and hesitantly reaching over, picking up the book and flicking it open to the first page. Kazuichi watched quietly, honestly pretty surprised that Gundham had listened so quickly without giving an apology for not doing so sooner. The hamsters’ diverted their attention down to the book as well, and the breeder seemed to adjust his position slightly so that the one nestled comfortably on his head, which was now leaning down a little over Gundham’s forehead, could see it. Could... they read it, too? Kazuichi honestly wouldn’t be too surprised if they could at this point, but he was a little bit curious. 

A few minutes passed of silence, until he just couldn’t hold back the question, “... Can the hamst- Devas-” he corrected himself, not wanting to upset him, “- read it, too?”

Gundham looked up, gaze unfocused and hazy. He took such a long time to answer that Kazuichi nearly repeated his question to break the awkward silence, but he eventually said, “... I-I believe their abilities allow them to do so,” he mumbled, “...... But I... I tend to... Read it to them m-myself...” He sunk slightly, gaze darting away nervously, as if he felt like he just said something wrong- or, rather, something that he was embarrassed about (and there was probably some truth behind that emotion, not influenced by the disease).

“...” Kazuichi couldn’t help but feel a small bubble of amusement at that- and, if it weren’t for the current fragility of the breeder, he felt like he would’ve definitely poked a bit of fun at him. He made a silent reminder to make fun of him once all of this was over so he wouldn’t feel guilty for it, “I... see. Hm. Are you gonna... read it to them, then?”

The great Gundham Tanaka, reading books to his little hamsters... The image was both hilarious and heart-warming. 

He looked back to Kazuichi, round-eyed gaze searching his face as if looking for signs of mockery, but the mechanic, impressively even to himself, had managed to maintain a deadpan expression as he was inspected. Eventually, Gundham shakily shook his head.

“It’s... um... H-hard to focus. On the words,” he muttered, brushing his scarred finger along the corner of the book’s cover, and then tightening his grip on it with a shudder.

Oh.

Of course he was having trouble concentrating.

Kazuichi scratched his cheek, hesitating, before suggesting, “... What if I read it out loud to you guys? Would... that help?”

That felt so weird to say. It seemed that even Gundham was a little surprised as well based on the slight widening of his eyes. After a second or two, the breeder gave a small, wordless nod, though he still backed away slightly after he leaned forward and shakily placed the book at the foot of his bed. Kazuichi blinked, before taking that as an indication to come closer- and so he did, with caution as he noticed that Gundham was tensing and backing away further with every step that he took towards the bed. Quietly, he picked up the book, realizing that there were small dents on the cover from how tightly he had been holding it, and moved back, taking a seat nearby. Gundham watched him intently from the corner of his bed, eyes wide and searching behind his messy bangs as he bunched up the sheets in his fists.

“Alright... Let’s see...”

Kazuichi’s heart sunk as he briefly scanned over the words on the page, some of which were in different languages and symbols – was that... Latin?

What the _fuck_ was he even reading?

He already regretted this- there were more words that he had never seen before than there were words he knew. However, he could see that Gundham was waiting in twitchy anticipation in the corner of his eye, and it was urging him to commit to the task. With an internal sigh, because he knew he was going to make a fool of himself, he slowly began reading. 

He was able to read about two words before he came to... the first bump in the road, “Examples of... r... rosi...” he stumbled, “Rosi-croo- uh... What the fuck-”

Gundham was quiet, watching him just struggle and apparently making no attempts to help him at the moment. He could see that he had tilted his head slightly, regarding the mechanic with an emotion that he didn’t pick up on as he concentrated on trying not to mess up his words any further- and failing at that.

“Rose.. Roos...Rooc? Dear lord,” Kazuichi squinted, “Roosicroocinium? Roci- Rosicrushi- I don’t-”

He was abruptly cut off by a small and muffled, albeit a bit shivery, snicker, which immediately made him look up in surprise. Sure enough, Gundham was still watching him from where he was curled in on himself in the corner, but now he was lightly covering his mouth with the back of his knuckles. Kazuichi could still see the slight smile poking out from behind his hand, and he instantly felt his face burn up in embarrassed realization. Great, a guy who was literally losing his mind more by the second found his suffering funny. Ok, maybe ‘suffering’ was a bit too strong of a word- but Kazuichi still had to physically bite his tongue to hold himself back from telling Gundham to shut up. And that was honestly pretty painful, considering his teeth were basically daggers.

Despite his embarrassment, it was a little reassuring to Kazuichi to see the breeder show an emotion that wasn’t fear or worry. Seeing as said breeder was still apparently too entertained to offer help, he continued attempting to pronounce this one dumb word.

“R-roos- Rosicor-”

“H...hehe...”  
He looked up again at the interruption to see that Gundham had sunk a little, hair flopping over a bit more of his face as he seemed to be trying to not let Kazuichi see that he was laughing.

Well. 

He was failing horribly.

“... Can ya help me?” Kazuichi mumbled, “I-I feel like you know what the word is.”

Gundham flinched, rare smile wavering slightly before disappearing completely, as well as his mild laughter. Just like that, he was back to being reclusive- Kazuichi felt a tiny twinge of disappointment, “A-ah... Um... R-rosicrucianism...” he mumbled.

... Yeah, there was no way that Kazuichi was going to get that. He nodded nonetheless, fiddling slightly with his beanie as his embarrassment started to ebb away steadily.

“... Right. Ok,” he looked back down at the book, continued, “Examples of... uh... that... in history include...”

Time passed, and Kazuichi continued reading, getting stuck on a lot more words after that point. However, for every other word, Gundham only watched quietly and obediently spoke up to help him when he was asked to. Even though he didn’t laugh again, he seemed to have relaxed slightly by having Kazuichi read to him, evident by the way he had leaned back a little into his pillow and only tightened his grip on his sheets occasionally instead of all the time. 

At one point, Kazuichi got stuck on yet another word, and Gundham had apparently left him to fend for himself for a bit longer than before. When the breeder still didn’t respond to him, Kazuichi looked up with a blink.

He immediately went quiet as he realized that the breeder had dozed off, sitting up and leaning to the side against the wall, with his hamsters all nestled comfortably in his lap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Best believe I googled ‘weird occult words’ and used a Wikipedia article to bullshit my way through this chapter’s focus  
> ***  
> Thank you for reading so far. Hope you’ll enjoy what’s to come! Kudos and comments are appreciated :)


	9. Weak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's just say... last chapter's fluff didn't last long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Panic attacks, depressive thoughts

Kazuichi had stayed with Gundham in his room, and the latter had remained asleep. Though he stayed resting for a while, to his relief, after some time he had inevitably began growing twitchy and restless in his sleep. Kazuichi silently stayed there in case he woke up at all, just thinking to himself and watching the hamsters, now awake, frolic quietly in the sheets at the foot of the bed. He kept himself busy by looking through the book- even if he didn’t like nor understand occult-related stuff, the pictures were pretty interesting to look at- and just daydreaming for the hour or so that they were alone. He had a lot to reflect on, after all. He was sure that they all did.

Eventually, the door opened, very quietly without a single squeak. He looked up to give Sonia a small wave, and the princess looked relieved that the door hadn’t made noise. Gundham, however, still stirred slightly in his sleep at the suggestion of someone entering, mumbling something feverish that Kazuichi didn’t catch. Sonia seemed to pause in her entrance, but then slowly continued and closed the door behind her once she confirmed that the breeder wasn’t waking up. 

Kazuichi began to rise from the chair, offering his seat to Sonia, but she put her hand up and shook her head.

“It’s ok,” she whispered softly, looking to the sleeping Gundham as Kazuichi hesitantly sat back down, “… How long has he been asleep?”

“Like… an hour?” he replied, making sure to keep his voice down as well, “Maybe a little longer. But yeah.”

Sonia gave a small sigh, nodding carefully, “That is a relief… I was starting to worry that he would not get any sleep…” she murmured, diverting her light gaze away from Gundham and now to Kazuichi.

Oddly enough, he didn’t feel any butterflies in his stomach when she looked at him. He felt a small worm of confusion… That was weird. Usually any interaction that the princess had with him had that impact- he didn’t think too much of it, though, attention perked as she started talking again.

“How did you get him to rest, may I ask?”

Kazuichi tilted his head with a quiet hum, “Well, I uh… I read to him for a bit-” he noticed Sonia raise her eyebrows slightly at that as if she was surprised, but he didn’t dwell on it and moved on, “- and he dropped off at some point. Probably got bored of listening to me and let himself fall asleep.”

She blinked and then smiled a little, “I… do not think he was bored,” she looked back to the breeder, smile wavering as she noticed that he was trembling in his sleep, “Perhaps you put his mind at enough ease at the time for him to sleep.”

“…” Kazuichi didn’t know how to respond to that- there’s no way that anything he did actually helped Gundham _that_ much… was there?

Before he could say anything on the matter, a quiet sort of whimpering sound broke him out of his thoughts, and he automatically glanced at Gundham. There was another muffled sound of discomfort as he flinched in his sleep and sunk a little in his spot, clearly growing even more restless by the second. 

The hamsters gently nuzzled their master’s leg through the sheets with worried squeaks, before they turned away to look at Sonia and Kazuichi, beady eyes wide and troubled. Whilst the mechanic hesitated, unsure of what to do, the princess immediately helped.

“… Gundham?” she asked gently, though she raised her voice a little to ensure that he heard her.

A second or two passed, before he shuddered and stirred, grey eyes blearily blinking open and hazily looking at them through a half-lidded gaze. Despite the sluggishness of his awakening, he was breathing unsteadily as if he had been jolted awake. Even with the hour of sleep that he managed to get, the eye-bags that he had developed remained prominent and clear, even against the dark grey of his scar tattoo.

In the nicest way possible, he looked like shit to Kazuichi.

“S... Sonia…?” he mumbled, barely audible as gave his head a small shake and hugged his arms with another quiver, “Is- Is that you…?”

Sonia nodded slowly, “Yes, I am here. Are you feeling alright?”

Gundham still looked out-of-it, and he drew in a shaky breath and lightly closed his eyes, not responding. His trembles didn’t ease at all- in fact, they seemed to be worsening slightly as he remained unresponsive, breathing a bit more rapidly. Kazuichi exchanged a nervous glance with Sonia, whose eyes were round with growing concern.

“I… I will get Mikan,” she murmured, quickly leaving the room to go and fetch the mentioned nurse.

Part of Kazuichi started feeling a little panicky that he had been left alone with Gundham- he… honestly wasn’t at all sure of what to do. Fiddling sub-consciously with his braid, he weighed out his options, and then hesitantly looked to the bed.

“Uh… Tanaka?”

No response. 

Kazuichi wasn’t too sure if the guy could even hear him. He waited uneasily, watching Gundham to make sure his current condition didn’t worsen. The breeder’s gaze was glazed and still unfocused, now staring at the wall straight ahead of him. Lost in his own mind, he didn’t even respond to his hamsters scurrying around him, and he was hugging his knees tightly to his chest, nails digging into the fabric of his hospital gown. The mechanic didn’t approach him, not wanting to set off a trigger, and continued to monitor him in silence.

Sonia returned with Mikan, and stayed back with Kazuichi as the nurse hesitated, before she very cautiously approached Gundham. He felt nervous for Mikan, and he was pretty sure she always felt nervous enough on her own, but he knew that she had to be the one to get close to him. He just... felt like it wasn't going to end well. At all.

“A-ah… Um… G-Gundham?” she stuttered, stopping by the side of the bed.

The fact that she had come next to him seemed to instantly rip him out of his trance, and the bed frame shook a little as he jolted back, eyes the widest that Kazuichi had seen them yet. 

~*~

Gundham could feel his grip on his own mind slipping. 

Slipping, slipping, slipping.

That small, sane part of him that was he was trying so desperately to not lose was yelling at him to hold on- and he was trying. He really _was_ trying.  
He wasn’t sure when he had fallen asleep, or how long he had been out for, but he swore that, if he could help it, he would never do so again for as long as he was ill. That nap that he apparently needed _so_ badly brought him more chaos than restfulness- images flashing through his mind and each one bringing even more discord to his mindset. He was never one to have night-terrors– or rather, day-terrors, in this case- and with his current state, the unfamiliar experience was one that easily caused his anxiety to skyrocket. It was just image after image after image.

Images of things he had seen before. 

Images of things he never wanted to see. 

Images of things that brought him the fear that this damned disease was greedily feeding on. 

Each one reminded him of how alone, scared, and powerless he had felt in the past; how people around him had felt pain because of him; how those he cared for, and those he had relied on to be there for him always left; how he seemed to push everyone away from him growing up. Gundham never wanted to be reminded of those problems. He never wanted to be reminded of the problems he gave others. He didn’t want himself to see his own weakness.

That was it.

He was weak.

It always came back to his weakness.

When Sonia’s voice had broken him out of his cage of thoughts, he felt himself slip again as he staggered back to consciousness. He had answered her, and he knew his voice shook as he did so... and he hated it. The pale glow of the hospital lights seemed sharp and blinding, and he had felt a spike of pain in his head. Ignoring whatever and whoever was around him, he closed in on himself, voices and footsteps blurring together into a spiraling mess. Only one voice sounded now, and he managed to vaguely distinguish it as Kazuichi’s, but he couldn’t bring himself to answer him even if he wanted to. What if he said something wrong? What if he hurt him too? What if- What if-

His thoughts clashed together, each laced with paranoia and increasing panic. Gundham could feel his heart thudding against his drawn-up knees, and it rattled in his chest as if it wanted to escape from its cage- he couldn’t blame it one bit. He wanted to escape too. He wanted to be free from himself. This feeling… it seemed to be trapping every part of his body, swallowing him whole. He knew his breathing was speeding up, and yet it felt like he wasn’t breathing at all. 

He just wanted this to stop.

He wanted it all to stop.

Stop.

Stop.

“A-ah… Um… G-Gundham?”

_Stop._

No.

 _Why_ was she so close?

Mikan was right next to him. He could hurt her. People always got hurt if they got close, physically and emotionally. 

Gundham Tanaka was a cursed being, after all.

Panic spiking to a peak, his body moved without him even thinking about what was going on, and he instantly darted away from Mikan. He could feel himself hyperventilating now, the terror searing through his body, hot and burning and overpowering. Mikan yelped and hopped back, and Gundham didn’t even hear her apology. He couldn’t hear anything anymore. His mind was too loud, his thoughts stronger than him. 

He could see Kazuichi get up quickly from his seat, and both he and Sonia were calling out to him- he still couldn’t make out the words. Their faces were taut with worry, and Gundham felt sick – _so_ sick – to know that their worry was being wasted on someone as weak and helpless as him. 

His grip on his mind faltered again, and this time he knew he had let go, fallen, and had failed to get back up.

It was clear from the warm tears he could feel threatening to trickle down.

“P-please," he whispered, voice cracking, "Please just- Just don’t… come near me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah he's getting worse because I apparently don't have a heart  
> ***  
> Thank you for reading so far. Hope you'll enjoy what's to come! Kudos and comments are appreciated :)


	10. I'll stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poor Gundham's emotions continue to confuse him- and Kazuichi

Kazuichi felt numb with shock at the scene that just unfolded in front of him, taken aback by how much it escalated- and so quickly. Next to him, he could sense Mikan tensing up, her flood of frantic apologies abruptly stopping after Gundham had spoken, and everyone else in the room- people and animals alike- had gone completely silent.

Gundham was panting slightly, staring at them for a good few seconds before he shuffled back again, hastily rubbing at his teary eyes with a hand, “Sorry… I-I’m so sorry…” he mumbled, voice still heavily wobbly.

Sonia and Mikan were both still stunned into silence, so Kazuichi took it upon himself to speak up, forcing the words up through his throat as he felt them momentarily get stuck, “It’s… It’s fine, man.”

The breeder didn’t show any reaction for a moment, but then he slowly looked up, smoky gaze still slightly bleary with tears.

“‘Fine’?” he echoed, voice beaten down to a rasp, but at least he was properly communicating with them now, “H-how is this fine?”

Kazuichi fidgeted uncomfortably, unsure of how to answer to such a direct question. In reality, it wasn’t fine. Nothing about this was fine. He had never seen Gundham even come close to crying before this disease hit, and he never realized how much he wanted to keep it that way until this moment. He couldn’t deny the way his heart cracked a little so see him so defenseless… to show such raw emotion that Kazuichi knew he must’ve tried so hard on the inside to conceal from them.

“It’s fine,” he repeated, “You… can’t control it right now, y’know? And even if ya could, we wouldn’t blame you.”

Gundham blinked widely at him, and though his eyes and their ambiguity were unsettling to look at, Kazuichi thought he caught a flicker of either surprise or confusion in their depths- and honestly, given his relationship with the breeder, it was probably both. He opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something in response, but then just gave a small sigh, head sinking to hide behind his knees with a thankfully weaker tremble than before. Kazuichi was under the impression that he didn’t believe him, and it made his heart sink in disappointment.

“Um… Kazuichi is correct, Gundham,” Sonia softly spoke up, fingers curling slightly into the fabric of her dress in what Kazuichi identified to be uncharacteristic nervousness, “We are all here to offer our help and understanding to you…”

He looked up slightly at them again, and Kazuichi knew that all three of them, even Sonia, were fidgeting under his unreadable gaze. Eventually, he spoke again- the mechanic was honestly quite surprised by the somewhat steady communication he was doing with them, especially after that… meltdown. Maybe he was too drained by all of that to be overly jumpy... If that was the case, part of Kazuichi felt bad for him and the other part was relieved that he was being easier to talk to.

“I-I do not wish to control w-what you do, but…” he hesitated, “I… I just… I d-don’t want you to waste… that… on me,” his voice grew quieter as he continued, but, for a moment, he didn’t stammer, and he instead spoke his next words in a way that could almost be considered ‘normal’ for Gundham, “I can assure you that it is… exceedingly far from worth it,” he diverted his gaze from them and down to his hamsters, who had silently curled up next to him, “S-so… Just…” he drifted off, apparently giving up on whatever he wanted to say and just sat there in silence.

Kazuichi stared at him in disbelief. For a brief moment, the breeder’s gaze flickered up and met his, looking sad, dull and lacking any spark- all words that nobody who knew him would associate with Gundham. He quickly looked away in response, not wanting to put him under pressure, and it seemed like the girls had the same idea, because they quietly left the matter alone. 

An uncomfortable, heavy silence stretched out between the four of them, the only faint sound able to be heard being Mikan shuffling unsurely from foot to foot. Kazuichi couldn’t blame her- how was she supposed to properly care for someone that she wasn’t allowed close to?

Eventually, the nurse spoke up in a small voice, “U-um… I think the best thing that we can do for you right now is leave you alone to r-rest…” she said reluctantly, “I-if that’s what you want.”  
Gundham was pretty unresponsive for a bit, but then gave slow nod, sinking down again and resting his forehead on his knees, closing his eyes lightly- not to sleep… but to calm down, maybe? Mikan and Sonia exchanged a worried glance, clearly not too willing to leave him alone after what just happened, but both silently abided by his wishes and moved to leave the room.

“I hope you feel better soon, Gundham,” Sonia murmured.

There was no sign that he heard her, and the princess sighed lightly and left the room, Mikan scurrying out after her. Kazuichi quietly made a move to follow them, deciding that he was going to have to come another day to pick up the hamsters. As he neared the door, however, he felt a small tug on the fabric of his jumpsuit around his ankle, and he blinked, glancing down questioningly. 

Speak of the devil; one of the hamsters was tugging at his jumpsuit, making little squeaks. His brow furrowed in confusion- since when did any of the hamsters approach him? But the hamster made no move to leave him alone, racing a tight circle around his foot and waving its paws up at him. 

“Kazuichi, are you coming?” Sonia’s voice sounded ahead in the hallway.

“U-uh… I think one of the hamsters wants me to stay…” he mumbled in response, to which the princess had no verbal response.

He looked up to see her standing up ahead thoughtfully, and then, after a second, she bowed her head to Kazuichi, turning and continuing down the hallway. The sound of her heels clicking softly against the hospital’s tiled floor echoed off the walls until she had moved far enough for Kazuichi to now consider himself alone. 

Well, alone with Gundham.

Closing the door with a painfully resounding creak, he obediently moved back into the room and took his seat again. The hamster, deeming his actions to be satisfactory, scuttled back to Gundham, who still had his head down as if he was trying to block out the world. Kazuichi could tell that he was awake, but he couldn’t tell if he even knew that he wasn’t alone anymore. Either way, he stayed, recognizing the fact that the hamsters were smart enough to know what their master needed- and, apparently, it was his company.

“… You’re… you’re s-still here?” Gundham’s muffled, unsteady voice suddenly made him look up and over at the patient.

“Uh… Yeah, man,” Kazuichi gave a slight laugh, “Your… Deva… wouldn’t let me leave, heh.”

The breeder slowly lifted his head, blinking fuzzily at Kazuichi from where he had unconsciously shuffled back into the corner of his bed. 

“B-but… they’ve left you alone now,” his voice trembled, dropping his gaze after literally a second, “A-aren’t you going to go…?”

Kazuichi hesitated in answering, and the hamster that had brought him back looked up at its owner with a squeak, directing his attention down to it. It continued squeaking up at him, and Gundham started looking more hesitant with every squeak. He shivered, causing the hamster to quiet down, hopping up onto his knee and then into his hair to offer silent comfort. The other three nested elsewhere close around him, and when the breeder sunk down again, all four hamsters looked to Kazuichi, almost expectantly. He blinked, trying to piece together why exactly they wanted _him_ here, of all people, but in the end he came to no conclusion that made sense.

The mechanic honestly had no idea what they wanted from him.

“Maybe-” his sudden voice managed to get a small jump out of Gundham, so he continued more slowly, “… Maybe they think it’s better if I stay here with you.”

Gundham looked up, mirroring Kazuichi’s internal confusion on his face along with his own diseased wariness, “...But… But I…Y-you can’t…” he trailed off, and the mechanic started wondering if he actually even had a reason for not wanting anyone to stay with him- minus his varying levels of fear of everybody.

He started wondering if maybe, deep down, the guy _didn’t_ want him to leave. Was that what the hamsters were telling him?

After some internal debate, Kazuichi carefully spoke up again, “Do you… _want_ me to go?”

“…..” Gundham stared at him, the lack of a response an answer in itself, and stopped fidgeting, going completely still.   
He had always been hard to read to Kazuichi, but, now, he felt like he knew what he was trying to communicate, and he found himself going along with it. Why though…? Wasn’t this the same guy who always got in his way? The same guy who annoyed him so much? The same guy that he had wished so many times before to disappear?  
The same guy that he… hated?  
…  
He realized that, recently, he hadn’t had any of those thoughts about Gundham- all he had were genuine concern and sympathy, the willingness to help and the willingness for be there for him. Heck, he had been thinking more about him than about _Sonia_.  
…

Well, fuck. 

Realizing that Gundham was still looking at him, he shook his head to clear his mind, though it did very little as the thoughts still lingered uncertainly at the back of his head. He gave the breeder a slight smile that he hoped looked reassuring.

“I’m… going to take that as a no. So yeah, I’ll stay with you.”

He blinked, staring at Kazuichi for a few seconds longer before slowly looking back down at his knees, gaze muddled with blending emotions. 

And, in the silence of the hospital room, Kazuichi could’ve sworn he heard him whisper a ‘thank you’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading so far. Hope you'll enjoy what's to come! Kudos and comments are appreciated :)


	11. Thinking of you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both a light-hearted and sad chapter, as the Devas leave Gundham to go and be under Kazuichi's care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> School work is kicking my ass smh, sorry if the updates don't come as frequently! I'll try my best to get out at least 1 or 2 chapters a week.

The two of them had spent the rest of the afternoon in fragile, quiet companionship. Gundham had only said a couple of words the whole time, and Kazuichi, though the silence inevitably became stale after a while, thought that it still managed to put the breeder a little bit at ease. As time went on, and evening began, he had started looking a little less drained, though clearly still heavily affected by disease, and Kazuichi was now watching him quietly sort-of play with his hams- No, he should really stop thinking of them as normal hamsters. The Devas had proven to be much more than that.

By ‘sort-of play’, Kazuichi supposed he could describe it as the Devas jumping around energetically and Gundham occasionally lifting a hand for them to use as a step or something to bounce off. It was literally… rodent parkour. Honestly, it was pretty fascinating to watch.

“… T-they’re going to leave soon too, aren’t they?” Gundham murmured, not looking up as he continued entertaining the Devas.

Kazuichi blinked, confused, “Huh?”

“The… The Devas,” he clarified in a mumble, “Someone’s g-going to… take care of them,” he looked up slightly, eyeing Kazuichi, “That’s… why _you’re_ here, i-isn’t… isn’t it…?”

“Uhh…” the mechanic blinked again, and then remembered that Sonia implied that Gundham was aware about this- heck, she made it sound like his own idea, “… Yeah. I offered to Miss Sonia to take care of them for ya.”

Gundham stared at him, and Kazuichi started to fidget, wondering if the breeder was having second thoughts about trusting him with his beloved animals.

“I mean, if you don’t-” he started.

“W-will you take good-” Gundham stammered at the same time.

Both of them fell into brief silence, and Gundham gave a full-body twitch, most likely out of panic that he thought he just interrupted someone.

“Uh… Go ahead,” Kazuichi said quickly.

He hesitated greatly, as if still afraid of speaking again despite now having permission, but Kazuichi encouraged him with a small nod.

“U-um… I… I was going to ask if you… will take good care of them…?” he mumbled, voice tiny and barely audible even in the quiet room.

As realization sank in, Kazuichi gave him a look of pure surprise, which he didn’t meet, fiddling with the rim of his gown.

… He was really trusting him with this?

Trust was a fragile thing. Even more fragile if it’s Gundham’s trust. And if it’s a sick, paranoid Gundham’s trust? One wrong move and it would probably shatter to the point of no return.

“… Yeah, of course I will, man,” he murmured finally, pushing down his increasing nerves at the revelation, “Promise.”

His grey eyes rounded slightly in something that Kazuichi couldn’t quite decipher, but he labeled it as relief as the breeder gave a small sigh, looking back down and petting one of the Devas, “T-thank you, I suppose I am in your debt.”

Kazuichi laughed lightly, which he cut off quickly before Gundham could mistake it for mockery, and instead smiled at him, “‘Debt’? Nah. Ya don’t owe me anythin’,” he then added jokingly as he looked over at the Devas, “Well… Unless one of the little things bites my hand off or something. Then you owe me health insurance.”

Gundham briefly stopped petting them, processing, and then tilted his head, “I… I can a-assure you that they will do n-no such thing…” he shuddered, as if he was imagining a hand mutilated by… literal hamsters, “Hopefully.”

Kazuichi would be lying if he said he didn’t feel at least a little bit bad for laughing on the inside- but Gundham’s paranoia, of course, was completely genuine in this state, so he tried forcing himself to not feel too amused by the breeder’s seemingly silly worry.

“Yeah,” he agreed, going along with this topic, “They probably won’t though. They’re well-trained, right?”

Gundham gave a slow and quiet nod, watching one of the Devas- the big orange one, Kazuichi honestly couldn’t remember any of them by name yet- crawl up his arm and snuggle against his neck. 

“O-of course they are… They’re… m-my feared F-four Dark Devas of Destruction, a-after all,” he mumbled, “T-they easily overpower… all of… of humanity…”

As the breeder shivered and looked back down, Kazuichi smiled slightly. Despite all of the stuttering and the unsteady, feverish quietness of his tone, that was probably the closest Gundham had come to sounding like himself so far. And because of that, he straightened a little in his seat and found himself playing along with his half-hearted antics.

“Yeah, right. I wouldn’t dare to anger them,” he gave a small chuckle, making sure that Gundham knew it was genuine laughter before continuing, “Don’t wanna… face their wrath.”

“…..” He was quiet for a bit, and Kazuichi starting worrying if he said something wrong, but then he looked up slightly, “… I-indeed you don’t…”

His voice sounded the tiniest bit lighter, as if, on the inside, Kazuichi playing along was something that he was grateful for. Well, regardless if that was the case, Kazuichi was at least relieved that he was doing some talking. He knew that this slightly at-ease version of his sick self wasn’t something that was going to be around for too long, but he hoped to nurture it for as long as it was.

“What’d happen if I made them angry then, huh?” he tilted his head, wanting to keep the conversation going.

Gundham blinked at him, having another delay before replying, “D-do you… actually care to listen to my answer…?” he murmured.

Kazuichi hesitated, as the breeder looked at him with a mixture of doubt and apprehension. Part of him knew that the doubt was probably a genuine reaction, and understandably so. With their rocky relationship, the only emotions that the real Gundham had ever directed at him were anger, annoyance, disapproval or doubt, and those emotions were usually mutual. Gundham stared at him, waiting for his answer as two of the Devas he was sub-consciously stroking skittered away from him and across the bed, but the breeder made no move to stop them. He gulped, realizing truly how weird it was that he was willingly spending time around someone like him- and how someone like him was entrusting him with the creatures that he cared about the most in this world- but gave him a quiet nod. 

“… Yeah, I d-”

He was abruptly cut off but the feeling of weight being slowly lifted off his head, and instinctively his hand flew to where his beanie usually was, just in time to, sure enough, feel it slipping off. 

“Wh-”

He turned in his chair, one hand in his hair as he tried to look around to see if it had somehow just fallen off. Then, he felt the familiar fabric brush against the back of his neck and the brief digging of tiny claws through his jumpsuit, before both sensations left and was replaced with the sound of skittering against the floor tiles under his chair. 

“Hey what the-”

Two of the Devas dragged his beanie across the floor, their squeaking somehow sounding like they were actually scheming between each other. Gundham watched them quietly, also seeming bewildered, and turned his blank and innocent gaze to Kazuichi. The Devas managed to make it to the foot of the bed, and dropped the beanie there, making triumphant little squeaks as Kazuichi tried to process the fact that he essentially just got robbed by a pair of hamsters.

“… I-I guess t-that’s an example of what they c-could do, if you anger them,” Gundham murmured after a bit.

...

Kazuichi wasn't entirely sure if he could trust the innocence in his eyes too much.

“… Did ya train your Devas to rob people?”

Gundham flinched and shook his head, spluttering, “W-what! No, of course not! W-why would I do such a thing?”

Eyes widening, he bunched up the sheets in his hands, as if feeling cornered by what seemed like an accusation.

Kazuichi lowered his left hand from his head and put both of his hands up in front of him defensively, “Chill! Chill, I was joking. It’s… It’s actually pretty impressive that you’ve trained them to, y’know, retrieve things.”

He blinked a few times in response, as if he didn’t expect him to say that, but Kazuichi had actually meant it- it really _was_ impressive that they knew to do stuff like that. As expected of animals under the Ultimate Breeder’s care.

“…” he looked at him for a second longer and then diverted his gaze, watching the two robber-Devas now play with Kazuichi’s beanie on the floor, “… Thank you,” he mumbled, and, for some reason, he seemed to sink a little into himself, despite not seeming scared at the moment.

Kazuichi wasn’t entirely sure what that was all about, but he mentally shrugged and looked back down at the Devas, “Heh, hey do you think the little guys will give my hat back anytime soon?”

Gundham looked up again, kind of taking a second too long to process the question, but then shakily leaned forward a little, “G-Give Souda his hat back.”

Immediately, the Devas skittered back to Kazuichi, carrying the beanie between them up onto his shoulders and sloppily plopping it on his head. He laughed quietly, fixing it so that it was properly on his head as they jumped down and raced back to Gundham, hopping into his lap. The breeder looked down at them and gave a small, weary smile. It was only there for a second, but Kazuichi saw it. 

~*~

That small conscious part of Gundham, though he wouldn’t admit it out loud even if he could, was actually relieved that Kazuichi had stayed for pretty much the whole day. His mind, though still a mess of tangling thoughts and feelings, felt a little bit more relaxed with the mechanic there to distract him. It was now around 8:30pm, and the evening light outside had darkened to cast the first splotches of the night’s shadows upon the hospital floor.

He looked up from his Devas as he heard the door quietly squeak open, and Sonia delicately entered, moving over to stand quietly next to Kazuichi. Gundham felt his body give a shiver of uncertainty, but he repeated the thought over and over in his head, trying to soothe himself: ‘you can trust Sonia, you can trust Sonia’. He watched the two talk to each other in hushed whispers that piqued both his curiosity and worry, but, afraid of speaking up, he remained unsettlingly silent, twitching under his bed sheets. After a bit, he felt himself zone out a little, gaze drifting back down to his lap, where his beloved Devas tumbled around each other. Sadness pricked his heart as he remembered that they were going to leave them very soon. 

“Gundham?”

Sonia’s voice made him look up again, and he fixed her with a wide-eyed and questioning stare.

She smiled at him kindly, “How are you feeling?”

Well… He felt a little less ‘crappy’- that was the word mortals would use for this situation, right? – but words dried in his throat as she looked at him inquisitively. Little flickers of apprehension danced in the grey depths of her eyes, and Gundham squirmed with discomfort on the inside, wishing that she wouldn’t worry about him _that_ much. All he could offer was a wordless nod, hoping that was a sufficient enough method of communication.

He felt another prickle of guilt as the princess gave a light sigh of relief, “That is good…” she then looked to Kazuichi, who had stood up from his seat, “You agreed to let Kazuichi take care of the Devas, did you?”

He gave another slow nod, and the Devas looked up at the mention of their title, noses twitching curiously.

Kazuichi smiled at him, though he looked a little nervous as he did so, “Uh… Yeah. I was gonna head back to the motel now,” he murmured, “Before the nighttime announcement, I thought I should take them with me to give them time to settle.”

“…” Gundham blinked.

The mechanic tilted his head, “… Is that alright with ya?”

After a couple moments of silence, Gundham gave him his third nod. It _was_ alright with him, even if he didn’t want them to go. He felt a small worm of fear at how alone he was going to be during his sleepless nights without them around, but he pushed it down, firmly telling himself that he wasn’t going to be selfish. He needed to think of _them_. The Devas needed to be taken care of properly, and that wasn’t something he was going to take away from them. He looked down at them, and they sat up, ears twitching with questioning squeaks.

“… Go with Souda,” he mumbled dully.

The Devas looked between each other, and Gundham could sense their squeaking turning uncertain, reluctant to leave him in this condition. He found himself talking more, wanting to reassure them- anything to not make them worry about him. 

“I’ll be ok. A-and so will you. He’ll… He’ll take good care of you…” he glanced up at Kazuichi, who nodded quickly to confirm his words as truth, and then looked back down at them, “S… stay with him, and be good.”

Their squeaking slowly died down as they took in his words, and they lingered with him for a few long seconds, before they each slipped off his lap. Gundham felt an immediate sense of emptiness, both physically and emotionally, as he watched them hop off the bed and skitter over to Kazuichi, reluctantly climbing up his jumpsuit and perching on his shoulders. All four of them still looked sad to leave him, and Gundham must’ve clearly been looking sadder than before too, because the mechanic hesitantly spoke up.

“I’ll bring them to visit you every day.”

“…”

Gundham felt something that, in his state, he couldn’t quite put his finger on. Something told him that he wouldn’t be able to tell what it was even if he was his normal self. He tried to ignore the feeling, looking away from Kazuichi and fiddling with the sheets bundled in his lap where his Devas had been nesting.

“… Thank you…” he mumbled quietly, surprised at the tiny slither of genuine warmth that had slipped into his downcast tone. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed both Kazuichi and Sonia brighten, as if they had heard it too.

“Y-yeah, no problem, man!” Kazuichi grinned, “They’re in good hands.”

Gundham listened to Sonia give Kazuichi a basic rundown of the Devas’ different needs, occasionally speaking up, very hesitantly, to elaborate on some things, though most of what the princess said had been completely accurate and didn’t need his expertise. The other two had let him, patiently listening to whatever he had to say, and nodding along with it. Sonia gave him some of the seed packets that she had brought from Gundham’s cottage, and the Devas all looked over at Gundham as they realized that they were about to leave.

He blinked back at them, before giving them a shaky wave from the bed, “… B-behave yourselves,” he murmured, hoping that he didn’t sound too unhappy.

The Devas waved back with their paws, squeaking. He assumed that they were trying to reassure him, and he sighed lightly, watching Kazuichi give him and Sonia a wave before leaving with the Devas through the door.

Sonia’s gaze drifted to him, gentle and naturally calming, as the door clicked shut behind them, “… Are you alright?”

He hesitated, before nodding slowly. He shifted, feeling a jolt of pain in his back- how long had he been leaning against this bare wall? Feeling Sonia’s gaze still on him, he turned slightly so that he was leaning a little more comfortably back against a pillow now, and he silently reached out and hugged a second pillow to his chest.

“I know you must be feeling upset right now,” Sonia murmured, turning to look at the early ribbons of moonlight dusting the window, “But, I can assure you that the Devas will be ok. And they will be back soon.”

Gundham’s conscious part tried not to feel like he was being patronized, knowing that the princess meant well – she always did. 

“… I know,” he mumbled, hugging the pillow a little tighter with a shudder.

They stayed in each other’s quiet company for a bit, Gundham managing to stay a little bit at ease as long as she was there. He could hear her heels softly clicking as she moved around the room, and he raised his head a little to peek warily at what she was doing.

Most of him was engulfed by that nagging wariness that he was growing used to feeling by this point, but that little part of him felt the tiniest creep of warmth as he watched her quietly cleaning up the room a little- fixing the curtains of the window that wasn’t by his bed, neatly folding his scarf again, straightening the chair. She kept her distance the whole time, and he appreciated it.

He really was glad to have her as an ally.

After a bit of time had passed, the princess said her goodbyes to Gundham and took her leave to go and see Akane and Ibuki before it hit 10pm. Alone in the darkened room, he leaned against the wall, letting his thoughts flow through his mind. Without the squeaking or rustling of his Devas moving around, it was completely and utterly silent. Silent, and dark, and lonely. He could feel his brain starting to mist a little with the realization that… he was completely alone now. He was going to be alone all night, in the dark and silence. 

But he told himself that it was going to be ok.

As long as his Devas were going to be ok, he would be ok too, right?

Drawing in a deep inhale, he released a shaky breath, clutching the pillow closer and tilting his head up to gaze dully at the ceiling. Minutes, and then hours, passed over, darkening the room as they ticked by, He knew that he would be thinking of the Devas all night, worrying about them and wondering if they were ok.

…  
He didn’t know that he would be thinking of Kazuichi and how he was faring with them, as well.

Oh well. Considering that his subordinates and the mechanic were temporarily associated, he… supposed it made sense to think about him too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading so far. Hope you'll enjoy what's to come! Kudos and comments are appreciated :)


	12. The friends I've had to 'bury'...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fuyuhiko needs comfort- and so do Kazuichi's fluffy new companions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW, in case this is a trigger for anyone: Grieving, references to past death

“He actually let _you_ take care of them?”

Kazuichi resisted the urge to roll his eyes as Fuyuhiko’s incredulous voice rang out behind him in his dimly-lit motel room. But, honestly, he couldn’t blame the yakuza for being in disbelief.

“Uh… Yeah man, looks like it,” he muttered, watching as the Devas uncertainly crawled around on his bed, sniffing the sheets and squeaking amongst each other.

“Don’t you guys like… fucking hate each other? Or did something change while I was hospitalized?”

“Uhhh…” Kazuichi fidgeted with his jumpsuit sleeve, not really sure if he had an accurate answer to that, “Y’know, that’s a good question.”

He could literally feel Fuyuhiko’s eye burning a hole into his back as he turned his attention down to the Devas, who were still rummaging around the bed curiously. Eventually, growing self-conscious, he turned around to look at the yakuza, who was leaning back against the door and watching him with suspicion. 

“Whaaaat? I seriously- I seriously don’t know why he’s lettin’ me take care of them,” Kazuichi put his hands up in front of him, “Maybe the disease messed with his brain or something.”

Fuyuhiko raised an eyebrow cynically at that, “Uh, hello? He’s got a disease that makes him _afraid_ of everything. If anything, I’d imagine he’d have more trust issues while he’s ill with that crap.”

Kazuichi twiddled his braid between two fingers, realizing that the guy had a good point. A very good point. Maybe Gundham just wasn’t thinking straight…? He... had a fever after all... That could push people to make weird decisions.

Man, he was never going to understand why Gundham did the things he did.

“Er- Well-” he sighed, dropping his braid and giving his head a shake, “I… honestly dunno. But they’re my responsibility now, I guess.”

“Yeah… Speakin’ of which, do you even know how to take care of hamsters?” he asked bluntly, “Like, no offense, but I feel like you barely know how to take care of yourself.”

“Do you?” he countered.

“ _I’m_ not their fucking babysitter.”

“… Touché,” Kazuichi watched one of the Devas nuzzle into his beanie that he had left on his pillow, “But, uh, I think it’ll be ok… Sonia gave me a rundown of what they need and stuff. Besides, the disease won’t be around forever- I don’t think I’ll hafta watch them for… too long.”

Fuyuhiko nodded, gaze drifting so that he was now also watching the Devas, “… Yeah.”

Their casual banter dropped to silence as Kazuichi sat down on the edge of his bed, carefully to not unbalance the Devas, and started gently smoothening out the wrinkles in the sheets with a hand. One of them sniffed his hand, seeming a little wary, and he stopped instantly, hoping that it wouldn’t bite him or anything. To his relief, and surprise, it just continued sniffing him, before bumping his hand lightly with its nose and then skittering back to the others still romping around on his pillow. He released an audible sigh of relief that he didn’t even know he was holding in. Half-expecting a comment from Fuyuhiko, Kazuichi blinked and looked up questioningly at him when he didn’t say anything. 

He managed to catch a glimpse of the strangely misty look in his eye for a brief moment, before he quickly snapped his attention to Kazuichi, “What?”

“… You good?” 

“… Yeah?” he shuffled slightly from foot to foot.

Kazuichi furrowed his brow and leaned forward, letting his doubt show. Ever since the previous trial, the yakuza had been having spacey moments from time to time- understandably, of course.

Apparently, it was pretty effective, as Fuyuhiko sighed, leaning back further against the wall and shoving his hands into his pockets. He diverted his gaze, staring at the wall, “‘M fine. Just thinking.”

“About… what?” he asked carefully, not wanting to push him too far.

“……”

There were a few prolonged moments of silence, and Kazuichi started to accept the high possibility that he wasn’t going to get an answer.

“… She loved fluffy animals,” Fuyuhiko said quietly, still not looking at him. 

…

Oh.

Whilst Kazuichi had expected something like this, it didn’t make it any easier for him to hear- or respond to, for that matter.

“Ah, did she?”

Peko was stoic and distant from an outsider’s point of view, and never really struck him as the type to like cute little animals- but he would take Fuyuhiko’s word for it. He knew her the best, after all. He felt a prickle of familiar pain as he remembered the swordswoman and her dead, battered body, fresh and recent amongst those that they had lost so far. 

The yakuza nodded, “Yeah. It’s a shame- she would’ve loved to have petted the hamsters at least once,” he murmured, “But… uh… Bit late for that now.”

“Mm… Tanaka probably would’ve let her if she asked.”

“Maybe. I dunno… Any animal she got close to was always scared of her,” he responded, “And I’ve never been the fucking best with animals myself so I never really got the opportunity to help her,” he sighed, an audible note of regret in his voice as he turned his gaze away from the wall and down at his feet, “I… really, _really_ wish that she did, though. It would’ve made her so happy…”

Kazuichi stared at him, unsure of what to say for a good few moments. He was never really the best at giving advice. It was still weird to think that the stand-offish gangster would ever talk so openly to anyone about such a sensitive topic- but everyone needed to vent once in a while, even him, apparently.

“… I’m sure that there were things that made her happy anyway,” he mumbled.

That seemed to perk Fuyuhiko’s attention, as he looked up slowly, head tilting. Though he didn’t say anything, Kazuichi felt compelled to continue, even if he wasn’t entirely confident that his words were going to have an effect.

“L-like… I dunno… From what you said that day, it sounds like you two spent a lot of time with each other, growing up,” he nervously sat up into a crossed-leg position on his bed, trying to maintain eye contact with Fuyuhiko, “I’m sure there were lots of times where you made her happy- heck, I’m sure you made her happy pretty much all the time.”

“…….” The yakuza blinked at him a few times, not responding for a good couple of long seconds, and then, to Kazuichi’s utter amazement, he gave a small chuckle- barely audible, but genuine all the same, “…. Didn’t take ya for an insightful person, Kaz,” he then looked slightly hesitant, as if he wasn’t sure that he was allowed to call him that.

Huh.

‘Kaz’.

He never thought he would get a nickname from _Fuyuhiko_ , of all people.

Kazuichi tried not to show his surprise, and instead rolled his eyes good-naturedly, “Well, did it help?”

“… Yeah,” he mumbled, crossing his arms, “Yeah, it did…” he went quiet for a second, before adding, “Thanks.”

Again, a surprise. Kazuichi didn’t point it out, though, and just grinned at the yakuza, “Anytime, man. Glad ya feelin’ better!”

He nodded, gaze looking a little lighter than before, “Mhm,” he tucked his hands back into his pockets, standing up straighter from his previous leaning position, “Well, it's nearly 10pm. I should probably head back to my room before that dumb announcement.”

Kazuichi glanced at the clock. Sure enough, it was minutes away from 10pm. Sonia and Hajime would be coming back to the motel soon. 

“Yeah… G’night, Fuyuhiko.”

“Night,” he turned away, opening the door, “Don’t let the bed-hamsters bite.”

Kazuichi could’ve sworn that he heard a smirk behind his words as the door closed behind him, and he looked to his left to notice that, sure enough, the Devas had made themselves pretty comfortable around his pillow. The one that had made his beanie its new nest was still there, fast asleep. He stifled a light sigh, hoping that he didn’t crush any of them in his sleep as he listened to the nighttime announcement now obnoxiously ring out throughout the island. If he did _that_ , he’d probably make Gundham cry now, and then the guy would murder him once he was back to normal.

Getting up to turn the lights off, he came back to his bed and very carefully settled down, praying to God that he didn’t hear any squeaks beneath his body in the dark. To his relief, the Devas remained quiet around his head as he laid down, but he could hear them twitching and adjusting their positions against the sheets, as if they were uneasy and a little restless. It didn’t really take a genius to understand why. 

“… I know ya can’t understand me,” he murmured, staring up at the ceiling, “But your owner’s gonna be fine. And I’m gonna do my best to take care of you until he’s all healed up.”

Even though he knew they had no idea what he was saying, he could hear their twitching ease a little, which he took as a sign that his words were doing something, at least. There was a small squeak from one of them, just above his head, sounding mildly shaky.

“He’s going to be ok. Even I’ve gotta admit, the guy’s strong- stubborn as an ox too, he won’t let somethin’ like this get the best of him,” he felt like he was trying to convince himself at this point- he honestly wasn’t sure how badly the disease could go on to affect Gundham, “Well… Hopefully not, anyway. But I have a feeling he’s trying to fight it as best as he can, on the inside.”

The squeaking and shuffling died down at the soothing tone of his voice, and Kazuichi could feel them nestling closer against his pillow.

“… Yeah, just sleep, little guys,” he gazed up at the ceiling, feeling his own eyelids start to droop slightly with tiredness that he didn’t even realize he was harboring, “We’ll see him tomorrow. And… he’ll be fine, I’m sure of it…”

As he drifted off into sleep, he wondered if his words, in such an unpredictable situation, were an empty promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading so far. Hope you'll enjoy what's to come! Kudos and comments are appreciated :)


	13. ... They keep me up at night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gundham's second night at the hospital- this time, all alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Depressive thoughts and strong internal panic because this is a lonely and sad Gundham's POV
> 
> I don't know if I'll be able to get another chapter out this week, but this one's longer than a lot of the others so hopefully that's,,, uh,, that's something.

Gundham felt twitchy.

Twitchy all over.

It wasn’t exactly the ‘fearful’ type of twitchy that he was growing used to, no. It was more of a… ‘I might actually go insane if I’m left like this for much longer’… type of twitchy. He wasn’t entirely sure what time it was, but it was apparently very late and pitch black outside at this point, the only light filtering into his room being from the hallway lights through the door window. Drawing in and releasing a shuddery breath, he sat up from the ball he had ended up curling himself into over the hours, leaning back against the bed frame. The sheets had gathered up into his fists, and he forced himself to loosen his crushing grip on them. 

Breathe.

It’s going to be ok.

The sun will come up within a few hours.

Gundham’s shoulders sagged as he hugged his pillow, burrowing his face in it with a quiet sound that was halfway between a whimper and a frustrated growl, which honestly portrayed his internal state pretty effectively. He just felt… suffocated in the dark, dreary atmosphere of the hospital- it filled him with a sense of dread that was only intensified now that he was alone. The fact that his mind was hazy with sleep-deprivation and general sickness did not help at all, either. He shivered, shakily putting the pillow down next to him for the first time in hours, and hugged his arms instead, sitting forward. 

“Uuuuuuugh…” he groaned, gripping at his hair with one hand as he felt his head pound.

How many more things were going to mess his brain up?

How many things was he going to let slip in this state?

How long would it be before he had _absolutely no control over himself_?

Some people may be able to get through to him now, but he wasn’t sure how long he could keep fighting against his new instincts in favor of keeping these people somewhat reassured that he was, to some extent, ‘ok’.

How long would it be until he was scared of them?

How long would it be until he was scared of his own Devas?

How long was he going to stay like this?

He felt his mind fog up for the second time that day, and he gripped his hair tighter. No. No. No.

This wasn’t going to happen again. He couldn’t let it. He needed to have control.

Shaking, he gave his hand a jolt and ripped it down from his hair, wincing as he inevitably tore out a few black strands with it, and quickly held his arm to his chest. Though he was still shuddering all over, and he knew that he was in a continual state of overheating from his fever, he felt paralyzed with numbness and chilled to the bone. Growing desperate for some sort of comfort, he reached over and grabbed his scarf, coiling the silky, familiar fabric messily and loosely around his neck and burrowing his face in it.

It smelt faintly of sunflower seeds. 

He half-expected the smell to upset him even more, but it was… oddly therapeutic. Perhaps the sensation of something ‘normal’ in this cold, unwelcoming environment brought his diseased side slight peace of mind. Gundham closed his eyes tightly, trying to relax as he lifted his head a little from out of his scarf.

His mind started buzzing with possible ways to help himself. He _hated_ this feeling of helplessness- Gundham Tanaka was mankind’s greatest threat, not some pathetic piece of prey to the predator that was human emotion. After a few moments of trying to calm down his mind, and making a little bit of progress, he straightened, coming out from his scarf but not releasing the clingy grip he had on it. He shivered as he gazed at his surroundings, taking in the hollow, sinister darkness.

The hospital was clearly making things worse.

Every shadow that seeped from the corners of his room prodded and provoked his mind even further, the dusted tiles and faint flickering of the lights in the hallway, paired with the occasional shadow of Mikan flitting past, reminding him of his vulnerability and his current need to be ‘protected’. If a threat were to come to the hospital, what would he do? If he saw somebody try to kill someone else in the hallway, what would he do? He knew that his real self would act accordingly- but him right now? 

He was… a different person entirely. 

A powerless person- one that couldn’t fight back even if danger walked right up to him.

What would… _he_ do?

Gundham sighed heavily, knowing that a definite answer was well out of his reach.

He had been in hospitals before, sure, but those had mostly been for dangerous incidents involving animals that had just ended badly for him.

Well, the times where _he_ was the one being hospitalized, at least.

But this was completely different from any experience he had had in a hospital before. This time, he was here because of his mental state; because of ‘his’ fragility. 

…

He could feel his mind fogging up again. It was doing that a lot recently. With a grunt, he forced himself forwards, messily untangling himself from his bed sheets and sitting up so that he was on the edge of the bed, legs hanging down and bare feet brushing the cool tiles of the floor. The floor of this damn hospital.

Taking a breath, he pushed himself up from the bed, stumbling on his feet a little as he did so. He watched his scarf swing loosely from his neck as he gripped the edge of his bedside table to steady himself. Slowly, he slipped on the slippers under his bed, breath shaking as his legs continued to sway a little beneath him. 

Well.

This was something.

He hadn’t seen Mikan’s shadow outside for at least an hour, so Gundham assumed that she was with one of the others and thus the coast was clear. Staggering a little, he dragged himself over to the door, mind continuing to grow fuzzier with the blurriness that he just wanted to clear by getting away from this place. This… probably wasn’t a good idea- but he realized that even that sane part of him was acting on impulse at this point as he creaked open the door.

Gundham cringed as the creak shrieked down the hall, ricocheting off the pale walls, and he prayed that Mikan didn’t hear him. Thankfully, the hallway remained empty as he clicked the door behind him and shuffled out into the open, narrowing his eyes at the lights that seemed offensively bright in comparison to the shadowy aura of his room. He felt another flash of pain in his head and he grunted quietly, forcing himself down the hall until he stumbled out into the lobby. Looking around hazily, he noticed the camera and monitor. Gundham’s paranoia spiked annoyingly at the very slim possibility that someone from the motel might just so happen to call in and catch him at like… what, 3am? Telling himself that he was being stupid- which was a method that was extremely unsuccessful in soothing his nerves anyway- he continued walking unsteadily across the lobby until he made it to the front door. Giving the door a weak couple of pushes, he eventually managed to open it and stepped out into the night.

His shivers intensified instantly, and he only took a few steps before deciding to stop in front of the hospital. Gundham hugged his arms and sunk a little more into his scarf. But… in a sense, the fresh air was nice. A little humid, it might’ve been- this _was_ a tropical island, after all- but it was refreshing compared to the overbearing atmosphere of his room.

Gundham closed his eyes, letting the light night breeze tousle the ends of his scarf and gown. The fog in his mind felt like it was clearing ever so slightly, just from the sensation of being able to breathe. It was... uplifting...

But of course, in his current position, peace of mind was never around for too long.

“Hey hey hey, emo-boy! Don’tcha think ya should be resting up inside instead of falling asleep standing up?”

Gundham’s eyes shot open with a yelp that was much more startled-sounding than he’d ever like to admit. Damn it. If Mikan didn’t hear him before, she _definitely_ heard him now.

He stumbled back, panting, as he stared, wide-eyed, at the loathsome black and white bear who seemed to materialize out of thin air whenever he pleased. Said bear raised a paw to his muzzle with a malicious snicker, claws twinkling against dark fur, and Gundham couldn’t help but cower back against the wall, trembling.

“Wellll? As your oh-so-lovely headmaster, I think it’s my duty to see that you’re getting on well~” Monokuma crooned.

Despite his strengthening fear in the face of what could actually be a genuine threat, Gundham gritted his teeth slightly at the bear’s words. ‘Oh-so-lovely headmaster’? He was certain that even Nagito wasn’t spouting such outrageous lies. He would have loved to have told the bear what he thought, but he was frustratingly, pathetically, tongue-tied on the matter and physically incapable of mustering up the courage to do so. 

All he could stammer out was a weak, “I-I see- Um-”

Monokuma tilted his head, waiting for Gundham to continue, but after a few more moments of incoherent stuttering he decided to just shut up and stare at the bear in nervous anticipation. 

“Geez, the good ol’ Despair Disease really did a number on your precious ego, huh?” his half-grin seemed to widen, “How fascinating to see! Honestly, I think your suffering is one of the most interesting to watch worsen out of the four of ya.”

Gundham never thought he would think this of an animal, but, on the inside, he really, _really_ wanted to throw the damn bear into the ocean and hope that he drowned. Maybe get bitten by a couple of piranhas in the meantime. Monokuma had brought so much pain and difficulty to everyone here; everyone who didn't deserve it. Though Gundham had never been close to anyone who had been lost so far, it didn’t take a genius to understand how deep of a scar each one of the deaths had left on the group morale, and how badly particular individuals had been affected.

And he knew that none of those who had gone, regardless of their actions, truly deserved to die.

“W-what do you want from me?” he stammered, “I’m… I’m just standing out here. I-I’m not doing anything t-to hurt anyone, I think.”

Monokuma tilted his head, “Ohh is that so? Maybe you’re not hurtin’ anyway _now_ , Gundham,” his eyes glinted with sadistic glee, “But you dunno how much this disease can go on to change ya. How it can twist your mind to the point where you hurt those around you without even knowing, eh? You dunno, do you?”

Gundham trembled, pressing up further against the wall and trying very hard not to take in his words. Nausea had begun to worm its way into his stomach again, tight and constricting. Before the bear could say anything else, however, Mikan burst out into the night from within the hospital, giving Gundham another major scare as he flinched from the noise of her arrival. In the midst of that, however, there was a spring of thankfulness that he probably wouldn't have to sit through more of Monokuma's taunting now. 

“A-ah, G-G-Gundham!” she yelped, “T-there you are! Why are you out here?”

“I-I… um…” he reflected her own stuttering, gaze darting back to where the bear had been starting.

But Monokuma, of course, had disappeared. Sly little bear. Gundham internally cursed him again. 

“C-come back inside, y-you need to rest!” Mikan anxiously tapped her fingers together, shifting from foot to foot in the threshold of the hospital. 

Of course, he easily obeyed, mumbling an apology and shuffling back into the hospital with her. The pale hospital lights seemed to blind him again, and he narrowed his eyes, ducking into his scarf with a shiver. His gaze darted nervously to Mikan for a brief moment, taking in how… frazzled she was looking – even more so than usual. She looked like she hadn’t slept in ages- and there was a fuzzy urgency in her step that confirmed she had been rushing around non-stop to tend to them all. Gundham felt both a twinge of guilt for wasting her precious time, and a hint of his own worry for her and her own health. He hadn’t seen himself at all this entire time, but he just knew he looked like a mess and she probably wasn’t looking too much better in comparison.

Eventually, they ended up back at his room, and he bit back a sigh as he obediently came back inside this cage of an area.

“A-are you feeling ok?” Mikan asked nervously, watching as he half-dragged himself back to his bed and plopped down, before adjusting himself so that he could blink back at her intently.

“…” he hesitated in answering, as was expected by now.

“I-I… I promise I just want to help you,” the nurse mumbled, “It’s my job to help you feel better. I p-promise,” she repeated.

He stared at her for a few seconds longer, feeling his nausea build up in his stomach again, “… I…” 

Was he really going to admit his weakness to her? He tried to force the thought out of his head, but it bounced back, strong and overbearing. The thought, the one, singular thought, seemed to win him over, and he shut up completely, hugging himself with a shiver.

“Um… Do you… do you feel sick? I-Is that why you w-went outside…?”

… Good instincts, nurse.

Even if he couldn’t use words right now, and every corrupted part of him was telling him not to tell her, he gave the tiniest of nods. 

She gave a sympathetic smile, which slightly creased the eye bags that were starting to show on her face. Gundham felt even more sick. He didn’t want her sympathy. She shouldn’t be wasting it on him.

He reflexively scooted back further on his bed as she began moving around, his gaze piercing through the darkness of the room and never leaving her skittering form. She opened a cupboard and brought out a bucket, leaving it at the foot of the bed before instantly backing away from him.

“U-um, there. If you feel l-like you need to vomit, j-just use that.”

“…” Gundham spared the bucket a weary glance and gave another wordless nod.

“In the m-meantime, um… I-I think you should take your scarf off again. It would help to b-bring your fever down.”

He hesitated, but she watched him with tired, apprehensive anticipation, and he found himself reluctantly complying with her wishes again, curling his scarf into a pool of magenta fabric on his bedside table.

“There… N-now I’m sorry, I’m sure you d-don’t want me here, b-but I um… I want to see you settle down b-before I leave…”

Gundham twitched, and then nodded slowly again, sliding back under his sheets and stiffly lying down on his side. The pillow felt frosty against his cheek. Frosty and unwelcoming.

“There. J-just try to get some sleep. I know it’s h-hard, and I know you d-don’t want to, but it’ll be good for your recovery…” she mumbled.

The thought of sleeping again made his stomach churn, but he continued nodding just to get Mikan to leave him and tend to her other responsibilities faster.

“G-good. Um… G-goodnight Gundham, I suppose. I-it’ll be morning soon, a-and I’ll come and check on you then,” she dipped her head, slowly leaving the room and gently clicking the door shut behind her.

Gundham rolled onto his back, wide gaze flickering to the ceiling. He could feel the nurse’s anxious gaze on him through the window for a few moments, and then the soft tapping of her shoes against the tiles confirmed that she had left.

As time passed, he felt his stomach twist and ache further as Monokuma’s words continued to buzz around in his head like an annoying little pest. ‘It can twist your mind to the point where you hurt those around you.’ He narrowed his eyes slightly at the ceiling. He… already hurt people, didn’t he? Did Monokuma mean that he was only going to get worse? Gundham’s brain was exhausted by its own repetitively torturous mindset, but the thoughts that had been tormenting all day and night long never ceased. He didn’t think they would, anyway. Not for a long time. 

Poor Gundham didn’t sleep that night, but he sure as hell used that bucket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, this chapter and the last chapter have linking song-lyric titles. (Ilomilo- Billie Eilish)  
> ***  
> Thank you for reading so far. Hope you'll enjoy what's to come! Kudos and comments are appreciated :)


	14. You're not supposed to hear this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gundham's crappy state unintentionally leads to some angst from both him and Kazuichi  
> Just one of those obligatory 'let's have a little talk about our shitty pasts' chapters... because we gotta have them throughout this fic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Brief implications of both alcohol and child abuse, mentions of past death  
> ***  
> Thank you for 200+ kudos woah.. didn't think this'd get that far so quickly but hey here we are

Kazuichi entered the hospital the following morning with a heavy heart. He had heard from Sonia beforehand that Gundham _really_ hadn’t done very well last night, and, according to Mikan, had apparently vomited as well and was running on a total of 0 hours of sleep. Part of him was honestly genuinely a little afraid to see him as a result- but maybe the Devas, who were now poking out of his jumpsuit pockets, could help him a little?

He sighed and shook his head, approaching the room and slowly turning opening the door. Upon entering, he was greeted by, as he had expected but not hoped to see, a pretty depressed-looking Gundham. The breeder’s attention was immediately perked by his entrance, dull eyes widening as he made a small noise that Kazuichi would describe as an audible question mark. It would’ve... honestly been amusing to him in any other context, but now it just made his heart wrench in sympathy- sympathy that he never thought he would feel for the guy. 

“Just me,” he murmured, feeling Gundham’s grey gaze follow his every movement as he closed the door behind him and then turned back around, standing uncertainly at the entrance, “I, uh, I brought your… Devas.”

The breeder stared at him, the blank, hazy gaze and lack of reaction making Kazuichi twitch slightly in discomfort. The Devas were unsettlingly quiet, blinking at their owner with their beady, anxious eyes. After a few moments, they slipped out of his jumpsuit and moved towards the bed. They approached in a way that Kazuichi had never seen them go towards him before. Their crawling was slow and unsure, almost looking as though they were measuring and monitoring every step. 

And… despite all of that…

Kazuichi could’ve sworn he saw Gundham back away.

The Devas must’ve seen it too, because they immediately froze in their tracks. Gundham had visibly stiffened as he watched them, his esteemed pets apparently now being the new, unexpected source of discomfort for this artificial version of himself. One by one, each of the Devas’ ears drooped, and they didn’t dare to come any closer.

Kazuichi gulped at how _very_ wrong this all looked.

After a few moments of long silence, he broke it and tried to ease the tension in the air.

“Are you… happy to see them?”

The silence was resumed for a few seconds, more uncomfortable than before now that the question was remaining unanswered. Then, he heard Gundham’s breath hitch as he shivered and shook his head- a little too aggressively- a few times, as if forcing himself to break out of his own daze. The Devas looked up anxiously, one of them squeaking something so quietly that Kazuichi barely heard it. Though their master didn't respond for a good while, he went still, and then sunk as if he had worn himself out even further.

“Yes… I-I’m ok. You can come,” Gundham mumbled, voice sounding weak and weary.

As if unconvinced, the Devas looked between each other for a moment or two, but then came forward, hopping up onto the bed. This time, Gundham didn’t flinch, just let out a light, shaky breath and slowly ran his hand over their fur. They squeaked quietly, gently tapping their noses against his pale hand.

“…T-thank you for bringing them,” he mumbled, sounding wary to be talking to Kazuichi. It seems that his level of comfort around him dwindled back down whenever he was gone for too long- that’s… annoying. Kazuichi would have to keep that in mind. 

He nodded slowly, “Uh… yeah, no problem. Are- are they… helpin’?”

Gundham gave a small nod, “I-I…” he watched them crawl quietly onto his knees, “… I missed them.”

He grimaced at his dejected tone, and shoved his hands into his jumpsuit pockets, “Yeah… I knew you would.”

“… I hope they didn’t give you a-any trouble,” he mumbled, looking up.

Kazuichi blinked and then grinned, trying to reassure him, “Trouble? Nahh,” he tilted his head, “They were really well-behaved, actually. Nice company too.”

Gundham seemed to look at him for a second too long, and then looked back down, blinking slowly, “… Good. I-I’m glad that… you are all… comfortable with each other…”he shuddered, sinking into a weighty silence.

“…” Kazuichi tilted his head, “… Go on.”

The breeder flinched visibly, bedsheets hitching, “H-huh?”

“You have somethin’ else you wanna say, right? Go ahead.”

He hesitated. A lot. But eventually, he mumbled, voice sounding small as he avoided Kazuichi’s gaze, “I… I’m glad that there are people here for them if I am not around. If I… _c-can’t_ be around for them…”

Kazuichi stared at him, registering what he was suggesting, “… You’re gonna be around for them all the time when you get better, man,” he murmured.

Gundham stayed dead silent for a few moments, before looking up. Despite the feverish and shaky tone of his voice, his words managed to hold some sort of genuine heaviness, “You... you cannot know that for sure, Souda.”

This time, Kazuichi was the one who dropped his gaze, looking down at his shoes. He was right. He didn’t know that for sure. Anyone could be killed at any time, and anyone could be executed as a result. It made his stomach churn to think about, but surprisingly, in the midst of their brief joint silence, Gundham continued.

“… I-I don’t want them to be left alone,” he muttered, “A-abandoned by…” he scrunched up the sheets that were now in his hands a little, digging his nails into the fabric, “Someone who is meant to be there… to… to care for them,” he lowered his gaze slightly, “I don’t want them to have that experience.”

Kazuichi thought he picked up on the faintest trace of… anger? It was far too vague and overpowered by the dominant dullness of his voice for him to be certain, but part of him was sure that he had detected it. He definitely looked more tense though, and he only loosened his grip on the sheets, still with some delay, after the Devas had gently nuzzled his hands again.

“Um… You alright?” he asked hesitantly, “You seem a little… tense. Like, more than before.”

“……” Gundham had a long delay in his answer, and when he did, he sounded completely uneasy- so much so, that Kazuichi started to doubt the possible anger he heard seconds earlier, “I... I guess… I don’t… want them to go through something similar t-to what I did.”

…

Oh.

Gundham twitched, and his eyes narrowed ever-so-slightly, as if he was internally annoyed by his own words. But, in his state, he couldn’t say anything that correlated with that emotion, and so he just stared at Kazuichi awkwardly as if he didn’t know if he necessarily wanted this conversation to continue.

Kazuichi opened his mouth to say something else, and then closed it, feeling conflicted. Questioning him about that would… probably not be the best course of action if he was trying to not make him more unstable… But at the same time, the real Gundham would never openly talk about anything that could be considered ‘heavy’- so, maybe talking about it could actually help him on the inside?

“Um… Did uh… Somethin’ happen to you?” he eventually mumbled, tilting his head.

The breeder flinched, but it looked like more of a cringe if you inspected him closely enough. Nonetheless, he spoke in a bit more of a frenzied manner, “I-I’m not going to tell you that! What if- What if you use it against me? What if you hurt me?”

“Woah- Woah, chill,” Kazuichi put his hands up, “We’ve been over this, I’m not gonna hurt you.”

Gundham trembled, eyes narrowing to wary slits, “Y-you have threatened me in the past, Souda. How do I know if your words can be trusted forever?”

Kazuichi blinked, taking a moment to think. He was like 90% sure that the real Gundham couldn’t give two shits about the threats he might’ve thrown his way in the past. Heck, _Gundham_ usually countered him with his own threats.

But that... was all in the past, right? Kazuichi couldn’t imagine himself acting in such a way towards the breeder now- at least, not as often as he used to.

“Whatever you tell me… I’m not gonna use it to hurt you,” he said slowly, “That’s a promise.”

“… A promise?”

Kazuichi didn’t hesitate when he nodded in response.

Gundham blinked owlishly, and then looked down, not responding for a few long moments.

In the thick silence of the room, the only sound to be heard was the occasional nervous shuffling of the Devas. Kazuichi couldn't blame them. His nerves were starting to act up a little as well with the delay.

“… Abandonment… is a feeling... I know well,” he eventually started, mumbling his words and taking far too long to get them out, as if he didn’t actually want them to be heard.

His tone suddenly made it clear to Kazuichi that he… really _was_ aware of what he was saying. He had grown quieter, which was a normal occurrence nowadays, but it seemed like it was more controlled this time, as if part of him was putting in much more effort to shut himself up. His spirally eyes were narrowed again, as if he was halfway to a scowl but completely unable to make the expression. 

The real Gundham _really didn’t want to talk_.

The diseased Gundham continued feverishly.

“I-It’s um… Well…” he hesitated again, eyes widening back to normal, and then seemed to force out the rest of what he was saying, “I… It’s just… M-my father wasn’t… really the best person from what I remember, you see… And he wasn’t around for my mother and I for long…”

Kazuichi blinked, “… Oh,” he said quietly.

He sure knew what that felt like. 

Gundham bundled up the sheets in his fists in what Kazuichi dubbed as frustration mixed in with discomfort, “… I-I have a feeling that… we were better off without him, but…” he shook his head, “… It’s still not right to leave those you’re supposed to care about, right? That’s why… I don’t… don’t want to leave the Devas behind…” he trailed off, giving one of the Devas a small pat as it snuggled comfortingly against his knee. 

“…” Kazuichi sighed, taking a seat near the bed, but still keeping away, “...Yeah… Yeah you’re right. It’s not ok, huh?” he brought his legs up to sit in a cross-legged position on the chair.

The breeder blinked, “… Mhm… I-I’m mostly unbothered by it n-now but…” he swallowed, “I… I’m more upset about h-how he just… left my mother by herself…”

Again, Kazuichi thought he heard anger. Though this time, it was a little more prominent.

“Yeah…” he murmured, tilting his head, “You, uh, get along with your mother then?”

Gundham didn’t reply for a few seconds, tone softening but also growing slightly duller, “… O-of course I… did. She… worked so hard for me when she w-was alive, even if s-she struggled so much. She..." his gaze turned uncharacteristically wistful, "She meant everything to me.”

Ah.

‘When she was alive'.

Kazuichi felt his stomach twist a little, unsure if he regretted asking, “Ah, that’s… good...” he looked down, feeling like he needed to say something else, "... I'm sorry that she passed on."

He nodded slowly in response, remaining silent for a moment, before the wobbly rhythm of him petting the Deva suddenly hitched, and came to a complete stop, “… Strange how death is so hasty to take those who deserve it the least,” he murmured. 

...

Kazuichi stared at him.

No stuttering.

No shaking.

For a brief moment, just for one simple statement, that was _him_ talking.

And Kazuichi knew it for sure.

He gazed at Gundham for a moment longer, and then tilted his head, surprising himself with the softness of his own voice as he spoke, “I’m sure she can see you now, and she’s… proud of ya.”

… Whilst that felt weird to say, it didn’t feel _wrong_. Of course it didn't. 

Nonetheless, Kazuichi found himself fidgeting in his seat. This dumb disease had made him sympathetic enough to be saying things he never thought he’d say to the guy. He wondered what Gundham’s genuine reaction would’ve been, but buried the intrusive thought within the mountain of others like it, as the corrupted breeder just stared at him now.

“… I…” he sighed, “I-I hope so… Thank you,” he looked like he was about to say something else, but apparently bit his tongue and looked down again, drifting off into a thoughtful silence.

“You’re welcome,” he smiled slightly, twirling the zip of his jumpsuit around with a finger, “Sounds like you really cared about her, so, uh, I’m sure she did the same.”

“Mhm…” Gundham’s gaze misted a little, before he continued, “… W-was… was your mother… um…” he trailed off, nervously shifting, and clearly indecisive as to whether or not he was meant- or allowed- to continue.

Kazuichi glanced at him, processing, and then shrugged, “Oh, uh… I never knew my mother. I’ve lived my whole life with my crappy dad,” he chuckled, hoping he didn’t sound too dry as he felt a familiar unnerving feeling at the mention of his father.

“O-oh. Um… Sorry. I-I shouldn’t have asked,” Gundham immediately mumbled, shrinking in on himself in regret.

“No- no it’s fine,” Kazuichi waved a hand and sighed, “Not much I can do about it. At least he’s not here with me now,” he muttered, “Not that that’s- much better than being in a killing game-” That probably wasn’t the best thing to bring up in front of a sick and paranoid man, “I’m sorry, I’ll stop talking.”

“… It’s fine,” the breeder murmured, “It’s… uh… I-it’s ok… I’m sorry that you… also had a demon for a father. T-that’s awful.”

Kazuichi gave a wry smile at his word choice, for once actually agreeing with one of his weird metaphors, “Yeah… sure is a demon…” he mumbled, not looking at him.

He abruptly started dreading where this conversation was possibly starting to go. 

“I’m… sorry, for I-I am under the impression t-that he treats you wrongly,” Gundham shifted as if he had turned to look at the mechanic, and Kazuichi could feel his messy gaze burning into him.

He took a breath, “Um… Yeah, ‘wrongly’. I-I’m not gonna go into specifics but uh…” he prodded at his sleeve, “Yeah. You’re right. Let’s just say… he doesn’t have the best temper- even worse so when he’s… drunk or something,” he squirmed in his seat, quickly moving on from that side-topic, “A-and, uh, I’ve never really been the perfect kid, y’know? So, even now that I’m older… he never really… stopped…” he trailed off, not wanting to continue as his mind grew restless with unwanted memories, and felt a flicker of appreciation when Gundham picked up on his discomfort immediately.

“… You don’t have to talk about it,” he said quietly, “I-it’s probably… better t-that you don’t resurface bad memories…”

Kazuichi nodded, releasing the breath that he had been holding in for far too long, and giving himself a shake, “Yeah… right…”

The conversation topic died, as silence stretched out between them both once more, and this time Kazuichi was grateful for it. He sat back in his chair with a light sigh, listening to the Devas skitter around and occasionally squeak. The quiet sounds from the little animals carried on as time passed, and were honestly pretty relaxing to hear- for both Gundham and him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gundham, a very private person, watching the disease literally do the talking for him: 😃...  
> Sorry if that was an abrupt ending, I didn't want to cram this... type of bonding all into one chapter, if that makes sense at all. Probably not. Oh well-  
> ***  
> Thank you for reading so far. Hope you'll enjoy what's to come! Kudos and comments are appreciated :)


	15. Warmth for a man of ice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gundham kinda maybe sorta unconsciously starts to catch feelings.  
> Just a bit.  
> A tiny bit.

Gundham didn’t know that it was possible to hold a genuine grudge against yourself, but here he was.

It was now some time in the afternoon, but he was still mentally berating himself for letting the disease make him slip up like that. Whilst Kazuichi had seemed very sincere- for reasons unbeknownst to Gundham- about not taking advantage of his weaknesses, he still hated the fact that he had mindlessly blurted out such things. He sighed heavily, resting his forehead on his knees. His head ached- a dull, resounding pain. It was pain that was familiar to him now, and thus he made a half-hearted attempt to block it out. Of course, he failed.

“.. You good, man?”

He flinched at the sudden sound of Kazuichi’s voice, but apparently he forgot to respond out loud and just shivered as he hugged his knees to his chest. Stupid disease. Beyond stupid, in fact. 

“… Are you cold?”

Gundham forced his head up with a small grumble that he realized brought literally no comprehensible words with it. For God’s sake. Why couldn’t he be tongue-tied when it actually mattered?

Kazuichi pink eyes blinked at him from where he was sitting a little ways away. Gundham’s own eyes felt a little heavy with fatigue from how long he had been keeping them open, but he stared back. Not for the first time, he found himself remembering how strange it was for the mechanic to be spending so much time keeping him company. He… didn’t _have_ to, so why…?

“… Was… that a no?”

“… Eh?” Gundham blinked blearily at him, brain mushy and distracted.

Kazuichi tilted his head at him, and Gundham could’ve sworn he saw a little bit of amusement dancing in his eyes. 

Tch.

Amusing, was it? 

He would’ve yelled at him if he could.

“… I-is something funny?” he mumbled, trying to sound as grumpy as he possibly could in this condition, and failing miserably- he honestly just sounded insecure.

The mechanic shook his head, though he was smiling now.

“Wh…?” Gundham tilted his head, knowing that he was both sounding and looking even more confused, “W-why are you smiling…? N-not that you’re not allowed, of course!” he added hastily, “I-it’s just-“”

Kazuichi outright chuckled this time, cutting him off completely.

…

Gundham put his last speck of conscious energy into forcing as much of a scowl as he could manage onto his face. The mechanic noticed, but, instead of backing down, he brightened at what anyone would consider a ‘normal’ reaction from Gundham.

“Hehe- woah there, grumpy. Who took a shit on your mood?”

He tried to glare at him, but had apparently exceeded his limit of ‘normal reactions’ for the time being and thus could only stare. Damn it.

Kazuichi tilted his head, smile eventually dwindling down, “Ok, ok. I know ya probably cursing me on the inside-”

Ah! The mortal is self-aware! Release the balloons!

“- so I’m sorry… I originally asked if you were cold, by the way.”

He shuddered again, but shook his head- because, truthfully, he really wasn’t cold. 

“Are ya… sure? You’re really shivery.”

“… J-just sick,” he mumbled lamely in response, watching as Kazuichi looked down again.

Gundham took a breath, feeling it scrape against his drying throat, and sighed, hands fidgeting with the rim of his hospital gown. 

“Yeah, I thought that’d be your answer. Expected you to just be feelin’… y’know… bleh,” the mechanic murmured, crossing arms and tilting his head back as his eyes closed lightly.

“… ‘Bleh’…?” he echoed shakily, annoyed as another obvious trace of confusion laced his voice.

“…” one pink eye opened, flickering over to him, and once again Gundham spotted unmasked amusement swirling in its vibrant depths, “… That word doesn’t suit you, Mr Overlord.”

“… T-that’s an actual word…?”

Gundham knew the fool was just messing with him, and his brain was starting to hurt even more so as a result. 

“Well… nah. Not a ‘real’ one, I guess. But uh… you could prolly guess what I mean based on the context and all,” Kazuichi shrugged, opening his other eye and leaning forward again in his seat.

“... S-so, sick, basically,” he mumbled, “I… think…”

Why did it matter? He was the supreme overlord of ice, feared by the entire world. It was not as if he was going to use the term ‘bleh’ in his entire life. He wanted to slap himself for wasting the few functioning brain cells he had left on a topic like this.

“Ding ding ding,” Kazuichi yawned lazily, “But uh, real talk- if you’re feeling sicker than normal, you should probably sleep. Regain the energy you burnt out, y’know?”

Gundham hesitated, and shook his head, hugging his knees, considering the pillow he usually hugged had ended up at the foot of his bed when he had moved around at some point. Of course he wasn’t going to sleep. That would be a foolish move on his part, given that he didn’t want to appear any weaker. Even if his head was spinning with foggy exhaustion, he stubbornly kept his eyes open, gazing straight ahead at the wall. He didn’t want to give in so easily again. He spotted Kazuichi tilt his head at him out of the corner of his eye, and he sighed, putting his head down to block him from his view. He sub-consciously dug his nails a little into his arms as a series of heavy shudders passed through him.

“Hey.”

Gundham didn’t look up, but made a sluggish grunt to signal that he was listening to the mechanic.

“Don’t do that. You could hurt your arms.”

“.....”

Gundham slowly lifted his fingers and instead just curled them tighter around his arms, hugging himself closer. After a few seconds, he heard a small scooting sound of the chair against the tiles, coupled with soft shuffling movement. Despite his haziness, he reacted to the noise almost instantly, jolting his head up with a yelp.

And he immediately jumped back as he noticed Kazuichi standing right next to his bed. Nearly right next to _him_. 

With a whimper, he instinctively pressed his back up against the bed frame until he couldn’t reverse anymore, and felt his heart thud erratically against its cage.

“W-what are you doing? What are you g-going to do? What-”

He was cut off as a soft, cushiony weight was pushed gently against his arms. His breath hitched, gaze darting from Kazuichi, to around the room, and then back down at his arms, mind fogging with panicked bewilderment. 

“D-Don’t be scared! I’m not gonna hurt you. Just uh… hug that. That... helps, right?” the mechanic gave him a small, sharp-toothed smile, shuffling slightly from foot to foot in his spot.

…

After staring at him for a couple of very long moments, Gundham released a breath that shook his shoulders, holding the pillow close to him and gazing nervously at Kazuichi over the top of it. Part of him felt embarrassed that he was _that_ easy to read, but he also felt appreciative for his help as he looked away from him and nuzzled against the pillow with a light sigh. He could feel his gaze, watchful and curious, on him, and started fidgeting a little with the sensation. 

Just a little.

He was… fidgeting a lot less than he thought he would be in this situation, honestly. 

It was… strange. Gundham had half-expected to go into another full-fledged panic, but the such feeling that had been building up had crumbled down to the mere wariness he simply sustained by default. But, oddly enough, he felt a little bit comforted by the mechanic’s gesture, as he hugged the soft pillow to his chest.

A couple of mildly confusing moments passed, until the soft tap of shoes against the tiles indicated Kazuichi leaving his bedside. Hesitantly, Gundham looked up, blinking slowly at him as he sat back down in his chair nearby. He felt the Devas nestle against his sides, and one of them carefully crawled up his gown to curl up in his hair. The small weight was warm on his head.

This atmosphere… It was… relaxing. Soothing. It was one that seemed to calm his nerves, slow his frantic heartbeat, and let even his artificial self believe for a moment that he was going to be ok.

He wondered if it would be like this if Kazuichi wasn’t there... 

“… Uh you ok, dude? You’ve been looking at me for a while,” the voice of the mechanic himself cut through his thoughts, and Gundham’s eyes flickered up a little to briefly meet his gaze before he very quickly looked back down.

…

Oops.

“S-sorry!” he replied fervently, feeling his face warm up- which the real Gundham blamed entirely on his fever, by the way- as he buried it back into the pillow.

“ ‘S fine. Don’t worry,” Kazuichi yawned, apparently not noticing his slightly-off reaction, “Just lemme know if there’s anythin’ on your mind. If you wanna.”

Gundham internally sighed, not verbally responding as the heat started to die down from his face. He nuzzled a little further into the pillow and made a quiet noise of affirmation. 

More time passed, more silence stood between them, but he continued to feel at ease. He didn’t look up, but he knew that Kazuichi was still there, staying with him.

He didn’t know why, but it really did make him feel warm inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also look I did a little drawing of him-  
>   
> ***  
> Thank you for reading so far. Hope you'll enjoy what's to come! Kudos and comments are appreciated :)


End file.
